Afraid to fail?

Are you afraid of failing? I am. I think it's one of the main things that holds me back in this life I lead. However, even though I am afraid I encourage my kids (and anyone else I know) daily to take the plunge and "do it afraid". I want them to take risks to help combat fear and get them to "the next level" of their lives. I also want them to fail. Maybe that sounds cruel but I know if they fail they have an opportunity to get right back up and be better than they were before. No one ever taught me that. We have already had several times in our kids lives where they have failed in something whether it be school, sports or relationships and because of our constant encouragement and not allowing them to give up they are becoming 3 young men I am so proud to call my sons. 

ULTIMATELY WE KNOW DEEPLY THAT THE OTHER SIDE OF EVERY FEAR IS A FREEDOM~MARILYN FERGUSON

Endorsement

I have been involved in some kind of sports my whole life. In school I was a runner and played volleyball and basketball  and would compete not only with my school but district wide. As I got older running seemed to me the obvious choice to stay in shape and worked for me for years. Not any more! I have major issues with my knees so therefore cannot run anymore. It was such a hard thing to accept but I knew I needed to find something instead of giving up (which I have kind of done for the last year). Allow me to say I have found it. Now, I have done tried lots of home workouts (remember Betsy?) but nothing has kicked my butt like this. It's called Turbo Jam and there are lots to choose from. Punch, Kick, Jam. Cardio Party 1 and 2. Total Ab Blast and last but not least Total Body Blast. I have been doing all of these work outs for the last 8 weeks on average 5 days a week and I have never seen or felt results like these. So, if you are looking for something and don't have money to join a gym I encourage you to give these a try. Oh, and let me know if you do and what you think. 

Innocence

Saturday evening right as we were finishing dinner our friends daughter Bethany came over to play with Jack and JD. As she was sitting at the table with them while they finished E! news came on TV. No one was really paying much attention until an image of Jamie-Lynn Spears came on and the kids started talking about her show Zoey 101. What proceeded out of Jackson's mouth and seeing his facial expressions was priceless and made me realize just how innocent he still is. Here's how is went down.

Jackson: Ya she is in that show Zoey 101. I really like that show

Bethany: I don't think I've seen it, we don't have cable.

Jayden: Didn't she have a baby?

Me: Ya just recently I think.

Jackson: What??? She had a baby, how old is she?

Me: 16 or 17

Jackson: Wait a second... (you can tell he is thinking) is she married?

Me: No

Pause, his facial expression begins to change

Jackson: You mean...

Jayden trys to interject but I beat him to it

Me: Yes, she had sex before she was married.

Jayden: Ya that's what I was getting ready to say

At this point Jackson has stopped eating and the look on his face is of pure disgust.

Jackson: That is absolutely disgusting, I can't believe she had sex and wasn't married. 

There you have it. Man I love that kid. He is so innocent, still to the point he doesn't get why Bethany's mom and I won't let them have sleep overs. I am going to cherish this for as long as I can.

***Disclaimer: We aren't stupid, the sex talk has been had I guess he just has decided  that God says no sex before marriage and thats that. 

A Wal-mart Friend

Sometimes you just need a friend to go and tolerate Wal-mart with you...I am thankful Debra is that kind of friend. In Florida I was blessed with a super Target down the street from my house so I didn't have to endure the stress of Wal-mart. In case you aren't familiar Super Target is clean, has large aisles, is free from clutter, quiet, never busy, no lines (except at Christmas) basically all the things Wal-mart is not. Well, the little town I love only has a Wal-mart so I must again endure the pain and suffering of shopping there in order to feed my family (insert dramatic sigh here). The last couple days have been a little stressful and I have been struggling to keep my head above water. Today, when Debra called and asked what I was doing and I told her she just offered to go and endure with me. I was so blessed you have no clue. I don't think she really understands what it meant to me that she went. Just a quick background...I have only known Debra since I started at my new Starbucks only 3 months ago but she has already proved to be a friend. Someone you know you can talk to and trust. Someone who will be honest with you, someone who likes you for you. She is awesome. I hope you are blessed with a Debra in your life.

Still praying for baby Grace

After we made all our calls and talked with our agency and got ALL the facts this is what we know. If we plan to continue our adoption journey right this second our agency, Children's Hope International cannot help us. They are still appealing the decision to not give them the Hague accreditation they need for all China adoptions so using them would be out of the question. However, we could start all over again with another agency but this is not even an option as far as we are concerned. We could however, choose another country to adopt from. After discussing the different countries with a representative and getting a general idea as to how they work we are considering Ethiopia. The cost is about the same but we wouldn't have to be in country as long, only 5-7 days vs the 14 we would need to spend in China. It isn't that we object spending so much time there and certainly wouldn't base our whole decision on it but with 3 kids at home to think about its something to consider. Also, the process isn't as long. From the time we put in our dossier in for China we can expect to wait 24 to 36 months just for a referral and from there another 2-3 months before we travel. From beginning to end with the Ethiopia program its only 9-15 months. This also is a huge deal for us especially considering we are on our way to being 40. Again, not that any of these things will make or break the decision in adopting a baby. Anyway, as you can see/read we have several things to consider and we are once again asking you to join us as we make our requests known to God. His timing will be perfect for bringing our daughter home. We are not losing hope. It just might be going down a different road than we originally thought. Personally, I am excited to see where that road leads and more excited you are on it with us. We can't do it without you. Blessings.

An Obstacle

We received this email from our agency in July. What it means for us is this...because we were only in our application phase we can no longer proceed with them and all monies submitted are gone. (All application fees are non-refundable.) They are appealing the decision so I am not sure what that will mean if they are approved somewhere down the road. I am sad, sad for my grandfather b/c this agency is his blood, sweat and tears, sad for Brian and I and the thought of having to start again with another agency or not at all. We are praying about where to go from here. Please join us and pray also for quick resolve with their Hauge accreditation.

On July 9^th, 2008 CHI was reviewed by COA for our Hague accreditation. Yesterday, July 17, 2008 we were informed by COA that our Hague application has been denied. Our denial was based on being non-compliant in one state where we are licensed. This was not brought to our attention until last week after the Hague review was already underway. We are currently working to resolve this issue and will be requesting from COA re-consideration to our approval.

Specific information on how this affects you - or if it will affect you will be coming in the near future from your specific program.

We are going forward in the faith that this will soon be resolved. We are committed to you and your adoption.

Thank you for your patience and prayers during this time.”

Dwyatt Gantt

Can I just say...

Whenever you are out and you are a customer somewhere whether it be at a counter or in a drive thru...

GET OFF YOUR PHONE!!!!

You have no idea how frustrating it is to deal with you and try and get your order when you are talking to someone on the phone. We don't know if you are taking to us or the person on the other end. Not to mention its rude. If you can't hang up at least put it down for a minute. I am sure whomever you are talking to will understand. This will eliminate getting your order wrong and will speed up service. Please have some respect and treat others as you would want to be treated. I understand some of you have never worked in a drive thru or say fast food so can't understand so take it from someone who does it everyday...its RUDE!!!!!


Note: This does not just apply to drive thrus or fast food restaurants please apply this to grocery stores, department stores and even just getting ice cream at Marble Slab. Thanks.

Finally...an update from NC

Well, we did it!!! We moved again. Only the 4th time in 3 years. Not too bad. In case you are just joining us we just moved from Florida to North Carolina 3 weeks ago. Brian had already been there almost 6 weeks when he flew back in to move us. While he had been in NC I was busy packing up the house and still working while the kids finished school. I am not gonna lie, it was hard work. I have a new appreciation for single moms and military wives. Brian flew in on the Thursday and Friday our Starbucks family plus a few other faithful friends spent hours packing, loading and sweating. It was touch and go for while as we didn't think everything would fit in the truck. So much so I found myself setting things aside saying I can part with that and that and that. In the end it all worked out and about 8am Saturday we hit the road. I can honestly say I never looked back. Apart from a few close friends I made through Starbucks I was not at all sad to leave Florida. Personally, I think it's an amazing place to visit but a terrible place to live. The drive was so great and flawless I have no fun stories.

We arrived late Saturday night and when I rolled off the air mattress Sunday morning I felt as if I had a knife stuck in my throat when I swallowed. However, there was no time to be sick so on we all went unloading and unpacking. By the time the 4th of July rolled around I was so sick I could barely get off the couch. I missed all the 4th festivities and didn't get to meet all these people I had just heard Brian talk about for the last 6 weeks. Let me tell you word travels fast in a church like that and before we knew it we had all these people bringing us meals 1. b/c we had just moved in and 2. b/c I was sick. I could not believe it. I felt very thankful and overwhelmed at the same time.

So, here we are almost 4 weeks later and I can't tell you how much I LOVE IT HERE!!!! This is where we are meant to be. It feels so natural to be here, like its always been. I know why God brought us to Florida but I will thank Him everyday for bringing us out.

P.S. I know this is very brief but I will try and let you all in later on other stuff. Be blessed.

5 years ago today...

• her pain and suffering ended
• my father lost his wife
• I lost my best friend
• she met Jesus
• I knew what hell was
• I knew God's sovereignty

As 5 years has passed us by and we have all managed to pick up the pieces and live our lives without her I recognize more and more how short life is. The pain of that day is as real today as it was 5 years ago. Remembering how I sat with her one last time as she turned cold. I held her hand to my face in an effort to never forget what it felt like to be touched by her. I was afraid to leave for fear I would forget. But now, I see her in my relationships with others. As I remember the type of women she was I long to be like her. So selfless and accepting. Always thinking of others ahead of herself. Laughing through tears, singing and praising through the pain as the cancer ate away at her body. Never giving up hope, never faltering in her faith and ultimately living her life for His glory to the very end. She always said she won either way and she was right. Not a day goes by I don't miss her but as I look at our family and see how we let God turn mourning into morning I thank God for every minute I did have her and all the things she is still teaching me even 5 years after her death.

Walking by Faith

Today was a rough day. Brian and I have had some really tough decisions to make lately. We have prayed, called for wise counsel, cried, prayed some more and have just been holding on to hope. The housing market is not what it once was so it feels so hopeless. The kids and I were going to be joining Brian the 20th of this month but after more prayer and thought Brian decided we should wait a little longer and hope we get an offer. This was not what I wanted to hear. Even after I prayed last night "Lord, I trust Brian and whatever you show him is the right thing to do I will follow", man I was mad. Then sad. I spent the better part of the day praising and worshipping God through gritted teeth and tears. However, in faith I also went to the store and bought bubble wrap and packing tape to resume packing. Jared and I emptied the china cabinet onto the table so I could begin boxing it. In the middle of the mess I got a text. SHOWING TODAY 230-330. I couldn't believe it. HOPE. I finished up that part of the packing, then ran around to finish straightening the house. Later on today I had a meeting at work and on the way home another text...OFFER FOR (our address) BEING FAXED TODAY. Are you kidding me?? An offer? I sat there and cried and thanked God for HOPE! There are still a lot of hoops to jump through but I am holding on to the One Who is holding on to me. Thank you Jesus you never let us go. If you think about us...please pray. Thanks.

Got Miracles??

I know You do. I need one. Thanks for agreeing with me...

13 years and on our way to Forever...

Today is my anniversary. Brian and I met 13 years 3 months ago at a seminar when we were working for the same company. It was instant, things were rough for quite a while (it's what happens when you marry someone you don't know) but soon we figured out not only did we love each other but we liked each other. Here are some of my reasons; he is my rock, he helps me stay balanced, he loves God, he loves his kids, he loves his mom, he loves my family, he works hard, he has passion, he's edgy, he knows how to relax, he's a dork, he makes me laugh more than anyone has or will, he's selfless beyond words, he's humble, he's a peace maker and a peace keeper, he's young at heart (and in years, lol), he's not afraid to take chances, he says he's sorry, he admits his weaknesses, he loves me for me.

I love you and miss you babe, Happy Anniversary!!!

Happy Birthday Jackson, we love you!!

11 years ago today Jackson Scott came into our lives weighing 9lbs 4oz and even had an extra thumb. He is the sweetest little boy who is growing up too fast. He loves to read, play video games and watch way too much t.v. He also has the most creative imagination. You should see what he can do with Lego's and the stories he writes show talent beyond his years. He blesses me everyday and I'm so proud to be his mom!!

Needs

And my God shall supply all my needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus...

I know I have blogged before using this verse but it's one of my favs and always bares repeating. He shall supply...whatever I have need of. Ok, here's what I feel I NEED right now. For my house to sell so my family and I can be together in North Carolina. However, as we all know timing is everything and God is never early or never late. What does it mean though, according to His riches by Christ Jesus? I am assuming because Jesus has all the riches my needs are nothing for Him to take care. I do know God will take care of this. Unfortunately I, like most humans just wish there was an eta. Ha, if only.

Let's take a moment today and thank Him for supplying all we have need of.

I wanna be in control...

I don't know many people who don't. There is nothing right now I can control in my life and this past week has been harrowing. Worse yet is me and my feelings letting it get to that point. I think this is only one of a very few times where I have no choice but to give it all up. Usually, there are at least some things I can have a handle on. Currently, there are NONE!!! As this week is coming to an end I have realized I wasted an entire week upset, afraid, and out of control. What else have I realized? To be in control is to be on my own, apart from Him Who created me. I don't want that. I am giving it up! I am sure I will reach a point when it will be day by day but for now it's hour to hour. Who else struggles with this? Admit it and join my club. ;-)

Time's UP!!!

We're at it again.
On the move.
To North Carolina.
A new job.
A new life.
God is good.

...stay tuned

35 Years Young

Well, it happened again. I am another year older. Last night a few friends from Starbucks and beyond got together to help me celebrate. Needless to say, it was a blast. For pics go here. FYI...only 3 days to go and all will be revealed. I am so ready for it to be over. "See" ya Friday.

What's Important to YOU?

I have heard it said, more times than I'd like in recent weeks that WE MAKE TIME FOR WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO US.
Here is my list as of late, in order

1. Praying
2. My husband and kids
3. Work
4. Sleep which includes naps in the sun ;-)
5. Church and friends

I am sad to say Church and friends has not been at the top of my list lately. In fact I recently sent a card to a good friend of mine out of state because I felt it was the only way I could make time to let her know I was thinking about her. I love her and when she called to thank me for the card we spent an hour on the phone. It was so amazing to re-connect. Before we hung up she even said next time just call. I know she is right, I just feel like no one has time for that anymore so instead of bothering people I just don't. It's kind of crazy for me to be this way because I try hard to live by the words TREAT OTHERS AS YOU WOULD WANT TO BE TREATED. In fact it's one of our family motto's. I just get so tired of reaching out to others and no one reaching back. Does anyone else feel like this? What kinds of things are important to you?

How Are You?? (Just over 15 days to go by the way)

How many times a day do you ask someone how they are? Personally, there are days when its too many to count. For example at Starbucks where I work, if I am running the front or drive thru this is often the first thing I ask. Why do we ask this? It's an age old argument. Well, it's the polite thing to do right? OK, so maybe it is but do I really want to know? If a customer was to sit there and start telling me how they were late for work, had a fight with their spouse, yelled at their kids, needed the caffeine so they wouldn't have road rage on the way to work do I really care? The truth is right then and there, NO I don't care. Not because I am heartless but because the line has to move and I don't have time. There is never enough time is there? Isn't that how we feel. I think once a connection has been made then we might open up and tell people exactly how it is. I have a few friends in my life who when we talk will truly want to know how I am. In fact I had one of these talks just this morning with a friend from far a way. It is always refreshing because I can tell her anything and she never judges me, just prays and gives her advice. We all need people like that in our life.

So, here is some vulnerability...lately I have had some anxiety. Here and there, nothing too bad. Last night, I had so much anxiety I felt as if the bed was going to collapse under the weight. Truthfully, there is much to be anxious about. But, what was so draining for me was lying there and even through all my praying and begging to God there was no reprieve. WHY? Was I not praying the right way? Was I not saying the right scripture? Am I chemically imbalanced? HA!!
I don't think it is any of those things, I just think it's something I need to work through. If you are having anxiety, here are some scriptures we all know. Let's band together and pray for each other. Let's lift each other up when the weight of the world is trying to crush us. Lets take time to listen when we ask someone how they are.
Ecclesiastes 11:9-10 Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things. God will bring you to judgment.

So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body, for youth and vigor are meaningless.
Psalm 94:19 When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.

1 Peter 5:6-8Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

30 Days... it's not what you think

Life is so good, good friends to share it with makes it even better. I'll be back...