This week has been good but stressful with the waiting. I just feel on edge. I don't do well on edge. I struggle with not making everyone else miserable because I am. Brian does so well at controlling his emotions that I try and take cues from him. But the truth is I think I've been holding my breath waiting for this article 5 to be picked up and our update to come in, Friday makes three weeks for both. Today I couldn't take it anymore so Brian put in a call to our agency. They called us back after dinner and I got to talk to my angel, Kristen. There was no news except to say there was no reason our article 5 will have not been picked up and on the list they will receive by Friday. OK, this made me breathe somewhat. Then K told us there had recently been visitors to our girl's orphanage and there some pics taken and there was one of her and she would send it to me.
I immediately got on my computer and waited for it to come in.
And then...there she was. And suddenly, I felt myself exhale. I felt a weight just fall off of me. Right then and there I knew I could wait again. I can't even begin to describe how badly I want to scoop her up and love her to pieces. To tell her over and over how wanted and loved she has been long before she ever existed. How, together we will manage all the sadness and grief she will experience and how I will love her until there is no more breath in my body. "Gotcha Day" can't get here fast enough. But until then and until the update comes I am so thankful to God and Holt for this new picture of my baby girl. His grace is sufficient.
