Monday, January 28, 2013

Needing to be Needed

I'm sick.

Not anything horrible or life threatening. Just the same old crud that has been circulating for awhile and it finally fell on me.

It started Saturday night and by Sunday morning it was clear I was going to be best friends with my bed, lots of soup and some favorite movies for the day. 
I'm not a good sick person. I am a real baby. Its the time, more than any other during the year except Mother's Day when I want my mom more than anything else (for those new to this blog, she's been in heaven for almost 10 years). I cry easily because I can't stand feeling so bad and have many a pity party until I am well.
My hubby and boys are always so good to me and don't let me do anything!

Its times like this, when I am so needy that I recognize I NEED to be NEEDED. And not only do I feel like its a need but I like it.
A couple of weeks before Jared moved out he got sick and I mean really sick really fast. He was not in a good way. I remember one morning before church going up to his room with water and medicine to wait on him. Giving him instructions about not going anywhere and resting for as long as he could before he had to go to practice that night.
As I walked down the stairs the thought hit me this will be the last time...what will he do once he is alone and is sick. I was suddenly sad as I thought about my not-so-little boy being sick in his apartment all on his own.
He doesn't need me in general anymore. Boys are different than girls I think in that way. I didn't have any brothers so I didn't get to see those differences growing up but even with my boys now, my boys are tough. Even when they do get sick. They don't lie around and whine. They keep on. They do need me though and for that I am grateful.
I always needed my mom. I always wanted my mom around. Well, once I got over being rebellious. I called her EVERY day! More like 5 times every day. I needed my mom.
I will admit though, it wasn't until she died I realized that I needed her in an unhealthy way. Our relationship in and of itself was healthy but my leaning on her wasn't. I almost didn't need God because I had my mom.

And that's the lesson I am learning and want others to learn, especially my kids. Not to need anyone the way we are supposed to need God. To do all of our leaning on Him and His word. His word will never fail us and His word will give us truth where others can't always do that. His word will always be there to inspire hope and change in us so we can be victorious. His word is a lamp to our feet and a light for our path. Ultimately, we should never look to others to guide us in a way that only God can and does. Don't get me wrong I am the first to encourage seeking godly counsel but that should never take the place of God and said counsel should always line up with God's truth.

Bottom line...I will always have a need to be needed but I will always point myself, my kids and whomever else to need their Heavenly Father more than they need me.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with ALL your heart and LEAN NOT on your OWN understanding, in all your ways ACKNOWLEDGE HIM and HE will direct your paths.