5 years ago today...

• her pain and suffering ended
• my father lost his wife
• I lost my best friend
• she met Jesus
• I knew what hell was
• I knew God's sovereignty

As 5 years has passed us by and we have all managed to pick up the pieces and live our lives without her I recognize more and more how short life is. The pain of that day is as real today as it was 5 years ago. Remembering how I sat with her one last time as she turned cold. I held her hand to my face in an effort to never forget what it felt like to be touched by her. I was afraid to leave for fear I would forget. But now, I see her in my relationships with others. As I remember the type of women she was I long to be like her. So selfless and accepting. Always thinking of others ahead of herself. Laughing through tears, singing and praising through the pain as the cancer ate away at her body. Never giving up hope, never faltering in her faith and ultimately living her life for His glory to the very end. She always said she won either way and she was right. Not a day goes by I don't miss her but as I look at our family and see how we let God turn mourning into morning I thank God for every minute I did have her and all the things she is still teaching me even 5 years after her death.

Walking by Faith

Today was a rough day. Brian and I have had some really tough decisions to make lately. We have prayed, called for wise counsel, cried, prayed some more and have just been holding on to hope. The housing market is not what it once was so it feels so hopeless. The kids and I were going to be joining Brian the 20th of this month but after more prayer and thought Brian decided we should wait a little longer and hope we get an offer. This was not what I wanted to hear. Even after I prayed last night "Lord, I trust Brian and whatever you show him is the right thing to do I will follow", man I was mad. Then sad. I spent the better part of the day praising and worshipping God through gritted teeth and tears. However, in faith I also went to the store and bought bubble wrap and packing tape to resume packing. Jared and I emptied the china cabinet onto the table so I could begin boxing it. In the middle of the mess I got a text. SHOWING TODAY 230-330. I couldn't believe it. HOPE. I finished up that part of the packing, then ran around to finish straightening the house. Later on today I had a meeting at work and on the way home another text...OFFER FOR (our address) BEING FAXED TODAY. Are you kidding me?? An offer? I sat there and cried and thanked God for HOPE! There are still a lot of hoops to jump through but I am holding on to the One Who is holding on to me. Thank you Jesus you never let us go. If you think about us...please pray. Thanks.

Got Miracles??

I know You do. I need one. Thanks for agreeing with me...

13 years and on our way to Forever...

Today is my anniversary. Brian and I met 13 years 3 months ago at a seminar when we were working for the same company. It was instant, things were rough for quite a while (it's what happens when you marry someone you don't know) but soon we figured out not only did we love each other but we liked each other. Here are some of my reasons; he is my rock, he helps me stay balanced, he loves God, he loves his kids, he loves his mom, he loves my family, he works hard, he has passion, he's edgy, he knows how to relax, he's a dork, he makes me laugh more than anyone has or will, he's selfless beyond words, he's humble, he's a peace maker and a peace keeper, he's young at heart (and in years, lol), he's not afraid to take chances, he says he's sorry, he admits his weaknesses, he loves me for me.

I love you and miss you babe, Happy Anniversary!!!