Monday, May 28, 2012

My baby turns 15

Today my middle baby, Jackson turns 15.

He was born at 8am May 28th 1997. He weighed 9lbs 4oz and had jet black hair.

His first picture is of him crying and I have the same one of his dad and they look like twins.

My first 6 months of pregnancy with Jackson was full of angst and at one point they told me he was dead. But Brian knew better and even when the doctor was insisting I come in for a DandC Brian called forth life and not death and when we went in they found his heartbeat. From that time and for the next 2 months I was on bed rest but it was worth it.

Jackson has been such a joy to us. His constant smile and determination in every part of life is one the things I love most about him.
I have loved watching him grow into an amazing young man who is determined to let His light for Jesus shine. He has allowed God to mold him and make him and he is constantly aware of his need for Jesus in his life.
He has a passion to let others know the truth and despises negativity in any form. He works hard to change the things within him that he knows aren't godly seeking God daily for strength and truth.
He has an understanding of God's word many twice his age don't have and I am so proud he is not ashamed.

He continues to excel in basketball even though he didn't even start playing until last year. He is tireless in his practice taking advice from anyone he can and watching his favorites play and watching what they do so he can get better.

He is an avid reader and his creative writing abilities blow me away. Look out Brian Jacques and all you Redwall series writers.  Jack will be giving you a run for your money some day soon.

He has his sights set high for his future and will not allow others' to bring him down because he knows with Jesus ALL things are possible.

I am positive this year will bring even more changes as I'm sure there is a drivers' permit in his not so distant future not to mention he will be a FRESHMAN IN THE FALL!!!!!

I look forward to the many milestones I get to be part of in the coming years.

My only prayer for Jackson, is that he remains ever steadfast in his commitment to Jesus and doing all he can to continue to be like him.

                                                  ENJOY YOUR DAY!!!!

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Catching up, a Referral and Waiting...

I've realized there are lots of holes in this journal of mine.

I've never been that great about keeping up with a journal, even when I was a kid.

However, if for no other reason than to look back some day and see how things all came together I have to be better at this blog.

Since my last post so much has happened I'm not sure where to start.

How about we start at the end and go back? Sounds good to me.

This quick part is actually future but I had to mention it. Jackson Scott Maciaszek will turn 15 on MONDAY!!! I can't even hardly believe it. You would think I could believe it by now, I mean I've been making that statement for the past almost 19 years of Jared's life. I think acceptance is what I need to embrace at this point. I am so proud of Jackson and the young man he is turing into. He loves God with everything in him and is sweet and compassionate. He's once again playing basketball for the summer and spends hours outside as well as hours on the computer doing what he can to improve his performance.

Jack and Jay had end of grade testing this past week and both said they felt confident they did well. Since they are home schooled all the testing does is show me areas they need improvement. Its not like I'm going to make them repeat a grade or anything like that.

I was sick this past week. And I mean the WHOLE week. Sicker than I've been in over 2 years. It started as, what I thought was allergies on Sunday. But by the time I woke up Monday morning I knew I was in trouble. I wouldn't have been quite as put out by getting sick except I started my new job Tuesday. Yes, you heard right, a job. I'm baby sitting a 3 month old 4 days a week. So Tuesday I went to the doc just to see how bad it was. He said he couldn't nail it down to one specific thing so did a full blood work up just to see if there was any infection present. There wasn't. Which means I just had to ride the wave while my body did its thing to fight back. Everyday I just got worse and worse. Today is 6 days since its inception and I'm starting to think I'm on the tail end of it but we'll see.

Brian, Jackson, Jayden and I helped with fund raisers at ECU Baseball concessions most of April and May. The money we raise will help the youth kids go to YFN in Texas in July.

And to my food stuffs. Through my friend Linda I've been able to talk to her sister, Lori who is a nutritionist. That has been excellent and so helpful. Things have been going really well. Last night for the first time in over 8 weeks I allowed myself some pizza and ice cream and it was delish and the best stomach ache.
My lifestyle is pretty regimented. Breakfast is a bowl of fruit. Lunch is salad or sometimes some Ezekiel bread with almond butter and real fruit jam. Dinner is pretty much always a salad with lots of good stuff on it. Throughout the day I snack on nuts, drink about 16 oz fresh carrot/apple juice.
I still stay away from dairy, sugar, and meat. The meals I eat are small, I drink a ton of water, take probiotics and digestive enzymes every day. I've kept the weight off which is nice and besides being sick this week I finally feel like I'm gaining some ground and feeling good.
I would recommend anyone try this. Whether you have health issues or not, I just think this is a great way to eat.

And by far the biggest news!
Brian and I received a referral.
We had to say no. It was a very emotional 24 hours. Heres what happened.
It was a Tuesday afternoon about 3 weeks ago. Our agency called and said they had a referral if we would be interested in looking at it. She said her special needs were not on our list but we could consider her anyway. Of course I said YES and said please send me the email. She explained we had 72 hours to make a decision. WOW, no pressure right? Not to mention but we weren't even home during most of this. We were at the baseball field setting up the concession stands.
I called Brian and let him know. I also called a specialist in this area. His name is Dr. Kolb and he is an amazing man. He is an international adoption consultant for just this specialty. He and his wife have adopted 5 kids from China with special needs in 5 years. His fee is nominal and for that he takes all the information, analyzes it, does a phone consultation, a written report and should you accept the referral walks through it all with you. He doesn't tell you what he thinks you should do, he simply tells you all you can expect based on the information given. And the truth is these reports are not that great. They are very basic and that makes it even harder.
Brian and I stepped away from our concession stands and sat on some steps and prayed before we even opened the email.
And then we opened it. As soon as I saw her face I started to cry. Not because I could see what was wrong with her but because here was a precious little girl who just needed a mom and dad to love and care for her. And I so wanted to be that. We did our best to understand all we could, closed the email and then forwarded it to Dr. Kolb and our own pediatrician here in town. And we waited. And we prayed.
The basics of what we knew about her was this: she had been born with Hydrocephalus which in lay terms is water on the brain. We did our own google search but knew we needed to hear from the expert. So we waited.
He said he would call Wednesday morning between 10 and 11 and I could hardly breathe in anticipation.
But all the while I waited I had a peace. And then the phone rang. And there he was on the other end and Brian was there too and we listened to all he said. He took over an hour with us, talking and explaining all he saw on her report and I knew. Brian knew. Before either of us asked the other we both knew. And there was peace. The peace God talks about in His word, the peace that passes all understanding. It was there. It was all over my heart. Even though I wanted her so desperately I knew she needed something I could never give her. She was too sick. I was heartbroken for her.
We let her go.
Wait with confident expectation. Isn't that God had said? Our little girl, who ever she is, will be coming home soon and all this waiting will be like a dream.
So, we moved on from that moment. I pray for her and pray for the family who will be able to take her home and give her all she needs and I have no guilt, only a peace that my God, the true author of adoption, gives His beloved children.

While I'm Waiting by John Waller is such a great song that reminds me what to do while I wait.

Monday, May 07, 2012

Confidence in WHAT?!

This morning was the second time I've spoken to the lady in charge of finding our referral. Her name is Mary.
She is wonderful. After only 1 minute on the phone with her the first time I felt like I'd known her for years. She is very no-nonsense and her passion is crystal clear. She loves finding these kids their forever families.
After today's discussion I went about my normal Monday routine quietly thinking and breathing a few prayers here and there. You see, our dossier is in China which means she is actively seeking a referral for us. I can't even believe I can utter those words. The excitement that stirs within me isn't even able to be articulated.
So, as I was doing I very quietly heard in my spirit "wait with confident expectation." WOW! Did I make that up in my humanness? Don't over analyze Rach!
Confident-its an adjective meaning to feel or show confidence in oneself or to feel or show confidence in something. (I know you know what it means)
Some synonyms are sure, certain, assured, secure, positive, reliant, convinced, safe.
Here's the truth. In general I have always struggled with self-confidence. If you had asked me 15 years ago could I ever see myself doing what we're are doing with this adoption I would have laughed at you!
But isn't that the beauty of this whole thing. This isn't about me. This adoption isn't about my having self confidence or not. Its about believing in the ONE who keeps me safe, secure and certain. Its about knowing that He is reliable when everything in the world is not. Its being convinced that this journey, at the end of the day will bring glory to His name and we can be assured that whoever our little girl is, He already knows and we can have CONFIDENCE in that!!!!

Psalm 27:14
Wait for the Lord,
let your heart be strong and take courage.
Wait for the LORD!

Romans 5:1-3

Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.
We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.

2 Corinthians 3:3-5
Clearly, you are a letter from Christ showing the result of our ministry among you. This “letter” is written not with pen and ink, but with the Spirit of the living God. It is carved not on tablets of stone, but on human hearts.
We are confident of all this because of our great trust in God through Christ. It is not that we think we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God.