Monday, March 25, 2013

Waiting with baited breath...NO MORE!

Last week, I hit a wall. The 90 days waiting for our LOA (letter of acceptance) was up Monday the 18th. There was no more patience, there was no more grace, there was no more tolerance. I was done! I was cooked! I needed it to be time and it wasn't and I wanted to scream. For some reason it seemed like I was asked more than usual when we were getting our daughter. I wanted to hide. I wanted to stomp my feet like a 5 year old and have a little fit. And the truth is I kind of did in my own quiet little way. I say quiet, minus the public outcry on Facebook. 

There were a lot of things about last week that were pretty terrible. A lot of things besides the LOA not coming that were completely out of my control. A lot of things that broke my heart and even though I did my best to make things right, make things better it just wasn't happening. There was a lot of brokenness last week. But God. Oh God, oh how He is truth and He is goodness in the midst of chaos and turmoil. Oh how I love my God. I immersed myself in His word and that peace that passes all understanding just flowed into my heart and mind and stilled me. He rocked me like a mother rocks her newborn. He calmed my stormy sea. And I rested. And then I chose patience once again because after all I can't control any of it so why torment myself. I felt so good about this decision and wondered why it took me so long to reach it. But anyway...

This morning found me in bed battling an ice pick headache. Have you heard of those? They are debilitating. It literally feels as if someone is driving ice picks into your head usually behind your eyes which makes it hard to see when you're in the middle of one. So between sleeping and being awake my phone vibrated letting me know I had an email. It was from Kristen (agency chick), she was sending us updated pics of Jenna Grace. I wasn't even excited, how sad is that? Then when I saw the actual pictures my heart ached all the more. She looked miserable. I mean, straight up I want my mom miserable. Plus they clearly just cut all of her hair off super short so she looked like a boy. Nothing a cute bow or headband won't fix but I just wanted to reach through the phone and scoop her up and squeeze her tight!
I finally started feeling better later in the afternoon and headed to shower, I figured I needed to look somewhat decent for marriage study later that evening. As I headed back out of the bathroom after blow drying my hair I saw the phone flashing and then went off. I had missed a call and swore I saw the 541 area code that is OREGON... Was it? I raced over there and sure enough. I knew she would be leaving a message but I didn't care, I called back right away. Kristen? Its Rachel...CONGRATULATIONS! YOUR LOA CAME TODAY! I COULDN'T WAIT TO TELL YOU! 
I started to weep and at that point we continued to talk but I don't think I took in one more thing except that we would most likely travel June 14th. We had a date. I began texting everyone I could think of. I figured all of these people had walked this very long road with us and they did not deserve to hear it on Facebook. Almost all of them text me back weeping right along with me. It was precious. I was moved. This journey has been so long, so exhausting yet we have been so supported. So loved. This little girl will be so loved. 

So, June. June 14th will be here in less than 3 months. It doesn't seem that far away anymore considering all that has to be done in that time. So, I choose. Choose to rest in Him. Choose to be still while he leads and guides us through this last leg (last trimester if you will) of this most amazing journey. This would normally be a time where I would fret the most. So much to be done, not to mention just the idea of a 20+ hour travel time most of which will be spent in airplanes and I hate to fly more than anything else in the world. But I won't do that. I will not fret. I will enjoy the next three months. I will relish in all the preparations for our precious girl. Everyday is a gift to be enjoyed because it was given by a Creator who loves us and gave Himself up for us. Therefore I need to live as unto Him to bring Him all the Glory He deserves. 

Blessings to you, thanks for being part of this. And please don't stop praying, now is when we need it the most! 


ishybeanie said...

I am so excited for you and your family.

Tracy said...

Awesome doesn't even begin to describe it!! I'm so happy for you all! June will be here before you know it! Praying it is even sooner!!!

Stacy Heckman said...

WOW RACHEL!!! I'm SO excited for you!!! This is fantastic news! Congrats on receiving that very important letter and finally having a solid date to look forward to. You must be SO excited! :) Congrats again. We will continue to pray for you during this last trimester.

Jodi said...

Finally! I pray you are able to enjoy these three months and that those enjoyable moments go SUPER fast so you can go get your little girl!! :)