Saturday, April 14, 2012

Friday the 13th.

Yes, today is not Friday the 13th. Its Saturday but its time to vent.

I have never believed bad things happen because its Friday the 13th until yesterday. Day 7 was one of the worst days so far. Worse than day 2 even. I felt like I was starting all over. Detox is not fun. Here are some things I've discovered since being home.

Its much harder doing this alone. When I was in Florida with my Aunt, yes I had to shop and cook for my boys but come meal time I wasn't alone drinking my juice. Holly was right there with me.
Going grocery shopping was horrible, the more I walked around the more of a fog I was in.
I have no one to sit and talk to about this. B is great and is very patient listening but I can tell when his eyes glass over he's thinking, are you talking about this again?
This is much more emotional than I realized and I don't even have the words to articulate why.
I've only been home a day but yesterday I went non-stop until dinner. I need to rest more.
I'll say it again, detox is hard. I can't even imagine what is going on inside my body but based on the way I feel I'd say cleaning house is an understatement.

Just to be brutally honest, I wanted so badly to give up yesterday. Especially when our friends came for dinner and I sat there watching everyone eat homemade pizza. And also because of the way my stomach hurt I just thought, I could eat a big mac and feel this way. Why am I doing this again?

As I sought the Lord, He heard me and answered me and said "My joy is your strength." Beautiful.
But honestly, its so hard to be joyful when you feel lethargic and puny and for the record I still don't believe bad things happen on Friday the 13th.

No comments: