Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Have you ever felt like you are wasting your life? Like whatever it is your doing is just getting you to the next day or the next week, month etc. That you could be doing so much more yet there is just nothing left at the end of the day. And whats worse? You are stuck. There doesn't seem like there is a way out. Because after all you did put yourself in that situation in the first place. Feelings tell you its awful, feelings tell you you can't do this anymore. All your grace for whatever it is is no longer there. Paul said in all situations be content. But I want to scream I DON'T WANT TO!!!! This isn't what I want to do anymore. There is no future in this for me. When my kids are gone from my house in just 8 short years I am not going to look back and say well I am so glad I did that! I am so glad thats what I spent my time and energy doing. I am so glad I was so exhausted from that that when I was home I was a vegetable. I just never thought this was how it was going to be. But then again I am famous for leaving God out of the loop on a lot of stuff and then wondering why it doesn't all work out. I know there is more in me than what I am doing. And I am not one of those people who can do it all and I make no apology for it (ok, well sometimes I do). If you are, then go you! Is this a pity party? No, it's an expression from an exhausted mom who has realized it's just not worth it anymore and is begging God for a reprieve. Will you please beg with me?
at 2:57 PM