Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Waster
Have you ever felt like you are wasting your life? Like whatever it is your doing is just getting you to the next day or the next week, month etc. That you could be doing so much more yet there is just nothing left at the end of the day. And whats worse? You are stuck. There doesn't seem like there is a way out. Because after all you did put yourself in that situation in the first place. Feelings tell you its awful, feelings tell you you can't do this anymore. All your grace for whatever it is is no longer there. Paul said in all situations be content. But I want to scream I DON'T WANT TO!!!! This isn't what I want to do anymore. There is no future in this for me. When my kids are gone from my house in just 8 short years I am not going to look back and say well I am so glad I did that! I am so glad thats what I spent my time and energy doing. I am so glad I was so exhausted from that that when I was home I was a vegetable. I just never thought this was how it was going to be. But then again I am famous for leaving God out of the loop on a lot of stuff and then wondering why it doesn't all work out. I know there is more in me than what I am doing. And I am not one of those people who can do it all and I make no apology for it (ok, well sometimes I do). If you are, then go you! Is this a pity party? No, it's an expression from an exhausted mom who has realized it's just not worth it anymore and is begging God for a reprieve. Will you please beg with me?
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Invisible Mother
A friend sent me this and as mom's we can all relate. It came at just the right time after God gave me a revelation regarding my family (something I will share eventually).
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the
kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.
Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously, not
No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing
on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.
I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more:
Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?
Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask,
'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?'
I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied
history and the mind that graduated sum a cum laude - but now they had disappeared
into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going; she's going; she is gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England ..
Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about
the hotel she stayed in.
I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to
compare and feel sorry for myself.
I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package,
and said, 'I brought you this.'
It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe .
I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:
'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would
become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:
No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.
These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it
was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He
was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into
a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied,
'Because God sees.'
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place.
It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you
make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin
you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are
building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life.
It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up
at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.
The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because
there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for
Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she
hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built
a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything
more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right.
And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty
that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
Great Job, MOM!
Hope this encourages you when the going gets tough as it sometimes does.
We never know what our finished products will turn out to be because of our perseverance.
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the
kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.
Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously, not
No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing
on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.
I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more:
Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?
Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask,
'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?'
I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied
history and the mind that graduated sum a cum laude - but now they had disappeared
into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going; she's going; she is gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England ..
Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about
the hotel she stayed in.
I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to
compare and feel sorry for myself.
I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package,
and said, 'I brought you this.'
It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe .
I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:
'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would
become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:
No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.
These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it
was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He
was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into
a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied,
'Because God sees.'
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place.
It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you
make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin
you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are
building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life.
It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up
at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.
The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because
there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for
Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she
hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built
a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything
more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right.
And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty
that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
Great Job, MOM!
Hope this encourages you when the going gets tough as it sometimes does.
We never know what our finished products will turn out to be because of our perseverance.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Afraid to fail?
Are you afraid of failing? I am. I think it's one of the main things that holds me back in this life I lead. However, even though I am afraid I encourage my kids (and anyone else I know) daily to take the plunge and "do it afraid". I want them to take risks to help combat fear and get them to "the next level" of their lives. I also want them to fail. Maybe that sounds cruel but I know if they fail they have an opportunity to get right back up and be better than they were before. No one ever taught me that. We have already had several times in our kids lives where they have failed in something whether it be school, sports or relationships and because of our constant encouragement and not allowing them to give up they are becoming 3 young men I am so proud to call my sons.
ULTIMATELY WE KNOW DEEPLY THAT THE OTHER SIDE OF EVERY FEAR IS A FREEDOM~MARILYN FERGUSON
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Endorsement
I have been involved in some kind of sports my whole life. In school I was a runner and played volleyball and basketball and would compete not only with my school but district wide. As I got older running seemed to me the obvious choice to stay in shape and worked for me for years. Not any more! I have major issues with my knees so therefore cannot run anymore. It was such a hard thing to accept but I knew I needed to find something instead of giving up (which I have kind of done for the last year). Allow me to say I have found it. Now, I have done tried lots of home workouts (remember Betsy?) but nothing has kicked my butt like this. It's called Turbo Jam and there are lots to choose from. Punch, Kick, Jam. Cardio Party 1 and 2. Total Ab Blast and last but not least Total Body Blast. I have been doing all of these work outs for the last 8 weeks on average 5 days a week and I have never seen or felt results like these. So, if you are looking for something and don't have money to join a gym I encourage you to give these a try. Oh, and let me know if you do and what you think.
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