Thursday, January 24, 2013

Changes, Choices and Conflict

HAPPY NEW YEAR, albeit a little late.

There have been so many things going on around here I don't even know where to start. Most things that are happening have no manual so I've kind of been stumbling around in the dark trying to find my way.

The biggest change was Jared moving out. This has been coming for awhile but because it happened so quickly after the New Year I didn't have time to really adjust to the idea. He had been saving for several months and January 11th 2013 we moved him into his new apartment. We really are proud of him. He is living alone which I think is huge at just 19 years of age and yes we helped with some "stuff" but as far as deposits, electricity and rent, he's on his own. It was very bitter-sweet for us, for me especially. I remember that afternoon running errands with the younger two and suddenly being hit with this huge wave of emotion. I thought, I can't do this. Where is the manual on how to navigate these uncharted waters. I was so upset. But several hours later as I pulled up to his new place to unload I found myself overcome with excitement and pride. It was great.  Jared even let me stay and hang his shower curtain and put away all his clothes. Then the next morning I went early, took him breakfast and we went food shopping. That was fun. Watching him pick all the foods I've avoided as a parent because they are so bad for you. But this is the joy of living alone and away from your parents. I'm glad he's doing well. I wish he would eat better but HEY, he's 19. He's got a little longer before it all starts to catch up to him.
He's only been gone two weeks and already has two more tattoos and although I don't really like him covering himself its better than drugs and sex.
Its been different not having him around. I can't really explain it. What's weird is not seeing him. Yesterday was the first time in over 7 days that I've seen him. It was an accident too. He looked good but I think he's even skinnier than normal. Sigh.

So, with Jared on his own Jayden (the youngest) moved upstairs to Jared's old room to make way for their sister. Jayden definitely has resisted the idea of moving. He liked his little room and was really cosy in there but once we moved him I wondered how he fit in that little room. He has so much stuff. Now he is settled all is well and I can think about getting her room all ready.

Onto our little girl. Our agency sent us immigration and visa paperwork to fill out on her behalf which meant we had to finalize her name.
This was tough at first because we have called her and prayed for her by the name Grace for so long we just thought that's what it would be. But as I thought about it I really wanted her to have a J name like her brothers. So then the question was do we give her the J name then call her by her middle name. Oh what to do! We talked to a couple of different people who had done that and they said it was pain. So we decided (after much prayer) she would have two first names. The second question was do we keep her Chinese name at all. I didn't want to at first, Brian did. He felt it was important we not discard what she started with. I agreed. So, her full name will be JENNA-GRACE YUAN YI (PRONOUNCED YOU-WEN YEE) MACIASZEK. WOW! Poor kid. She's gonna hate us. ;0)
So, Jenna Grace. We didn't hyphen on the paperwork so we will see if we change that at some point too.
Now, about her. Yesterday she turned 16 months and we also received an update and new pics. She was smiling in one of them. FINALLY! We also got pics of her foster parents and siblings. So precious. We did not get updated measurements yet but she looks huge for her age. I am no expert and its been a long time since I had a baby that age so we will just have to see when the measurements come in.
Such a beautiful smile. 

They are precious in His sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world.

Here are some of the things they said about her: she loves any and all toys and cries when she doesn't get the toy she wants. Cool, so she's normal. 
She has great disdain for strangers and will cry loudly and hide under the table when she sees the stranger with the camera. I told Brian we might have to forget about trying to capture any gotcha day footage which saddens me greatly. 
She sleeps in a crib and still wakes up twice throughout the night and get a bottle both times...Oh help me with this one. I pray this is somewhat better before gotcha day even though I am sure being united with her will only add to the sleeplessness. 
She isn't talking yet, just babbling. 
Her nickname is Yee-Yee
And my favorite, she hates green vegetables. I'm not really sure why I laughed at that, maybe because its such a staple part of our life. Regardless, I will be working to change that. 

A little bit of good news on paperwork. They told us almost 2 weeks ago that our dossier (big packet of info about us) is in the review room of the "powers that be". Typically from this time it take 3-6 weeks to receive the LOA (letter of acceptance). This was really awesome because we weren't expecting it until the middle of March so this new info puts us potentially receiving it before the end of Feb. 
Now, Chinese New Year is Feb 10th and everything closes for 8-10 days so that could set us back but we'll see. 

The conflict is life itself. Family issues and a little drama. And sometimes no matter what you do it still happens. You know what I have decided? I can't control any of it. I can only control how I choose to repsond. I can only do what I know God has shown me to do and then I have to let go. I have been wrestling and been so broken there aren't even the words for prayer. Just tears. But the word says "he has collected all my tears in his bottle" Psalm 56:8. I love my family and my heart breaks for some of the choices that are made but I have to know and believe that God loves them even more than I do. And as I lament and cry out for something to change I know the Holy Spirit hears me and intercedes on my behalf and for that I am thankful. 

So, as you go on your way if you think of us please pray for these final steps of our adoption. We are so close yet at times it still seems so far. We can't do it without your prayers and encouragement. 
Thank you so much. Be blessed.


Brittany said...

oh, Mrs. Rachel, Jenna Grace is so sweet and she'll be such a blessing! I can't tell you how excited I am about everything that is happening with her adoption! We are praying for her and your family, praying she'll come home SOON!

Tracy said...

She is beautiful!! I am praying with you all!!

Cheri said...

Oh,my, I know the feeling of the big kids moving out! My 2 left within a month of each other last summer. Because they joined the military, I didn't talk to them for such a long time! Now I can talk to them, but not see them! But, I am so proud. I miss them terribly.

Onto Jenna Grace, what a lovely name! I love J names. We kept our daughters' Chinese names as their middle name. I'm so glad we did! Hope all moves along smoothly!

Stacy Heckman said...

She is SO beautiful Rachel!!! I loved all of the info - especially how she hates green veggies - too funny. :) She sounds perfect in every way. I cannot wait to hear the good news that you are through with the paperwork and ready to go get your baby girl! :)

Jodi Crawford Potgeter said...

Thanks for checking out my blog and for your encouragement! I'll be following you as well and prayers for your little one! :)