Happy 40th to the love of my life.

The man I love turns 40 today. He is the man of my dreams. He is my soul mate. He is my best friend. He is a leader, a man of integrity. He is an amazing father. He loves God with his whole heart and strives everyday to lead our family in His will. I am blessed to be loved by him and look forward to 40 more years.
Happy Birthday Brian. I love you now and forever.

In Recent Days...

I haven't had the strength to cry
I haven't had the strength to laugh
I haven't had the strength to ask for help
I haven't had the strength to pray or seek...but I did it anyway.
Life has been a whirlwind for us since we moved to North Carolina. Some days I wonder if we missed God b/c it has seemed our world has been more upside down than right side up. Like the only thing constant has been trouble, pain and grief. The other side of that is we must be right where God wants us b/c the enemy is doing everything he can to bring us down and I have to admit some days he wins. Like the last 2 or so weeks for example. With teenage angst hitting us harder than we ever expected, Brian having knee surgery and me in so much pain with my neck I can hardly get out of bed not to mention our impending move. The last 2 days in fact have been the worst. Exhaustion isn't even a fit description. I have felt so heavy on the inside like nothing we're doing is right but I won't be stopped. I serve a BIG God and my problems to Him are nothing. When I am weak, then I am strong. The joy of the Lord will be my strength and one of my favs I will hope in the LORD and will renew my strength. I will soar on wings like eagles; I will run and not grow weary, I will walk and not be faint.

I think I needed to post this just to remind myself I am a fighter and will continue to fight for my family and for the call God has on our lives.

The Joy in Waiting.

For a few months I have felt like maybe this adoption wasn't meant to be. Going through all of Jared's teen angst has been so stressful at times it has made me wonder how can I do this again let alone with a girl. However, through it all I have also come to see why God put adoption in my heart. Brian and I have had to endure with Jared the pain of him not knowing his biological father. To listen to him wonder aloud "How could he not want to know me and know if I'm OK when he had a hand in giving me life." You have no idea how that cuts right to your heart. But its all part of the preparation for when our daughter goes through the same thing. God has been so quiet about this adoption that I have felt maybe I missed it. Brian told me just Sunday that unless I am talking about something all the time I act like its over. It really made me stop and think. I know in my heart this isn't over. Its just going to take a lot more time than I originally thought. In just the last week my heart has once again swelled with passion for bringing our little girl home. I have once again seen her in my future with our family. Grace is coming home and I am so excited I have found the joy in waiting.