He is GOOD!!!!

I absolutely love this song and its one I sing to remind myself how good my God is.

I told someone this morning that we must be on the right path with this adoption because we have been met with so much resistance. Yet again there is a small delay but my God is LARGE and in charge and HIS timing is THE timing.

Despite the set backs I get excited as I allow myself to just rest. To be still. To know He is in control and to pray for His will, not my own.

Thank you Jesus for being so good to us and for your goodness in this whole situation.

Jared's Graduation~2011

Jayden, Me, Jared, my dad Richard, Brian and Jackson
Helping Jared get ready.
Jared with several of his friends.
Our family.
Jared and his best friend Tiana.

I still shake my head in disbelief that I have a child who's graduated. I still don't get that he'll be 18 in 2 weeks and I certainly am not ready for him to face the big bad world without me to protect him. But the reality is this-this time was always coming from the day I gave birth to him.

Jared may not have been born under the greatest of circumstances but he couldn't have been born into a more loving environment. I was only 20 years old and single. His "father" had really never been in the picture from the time I found out I was pregnant and I realized quickly I was on my own. Although my parents stepped in and picked up the slack there is nothing quite like being a couple in a situation like that.

I wasn't serving the Lord during that time of my life however towards the end of my pregnancy I began reading my bible a little bit starting with Genesis. Playing the name game alone isn't very much fun but my mom loved it and we tossed around all kinds of names for him like Aaron, James, Shelby, (I didn't know he was a boy), John, but then one evening as I sat reading my bible the name Jared just popped out at me and I knew that was what I was supposed to name him. In the bible, Jared was Enoch's father and Enoch was one who walked so closely with God and never tasted death. He simply wasn't there anymore. I loved that.

As long as I live I'll never forget his birthday. I went into labor at 3 in the afternoon. Nothing much really, more uncomfortable than anything else and when they admitted me at 6pm there was still not much going on and I started to think they might send me home. I remember being all alone hoping my mom would hurry up and get there and without warning I went into full blown labor with contractions coming every couple of minutes and they started to take me upstairs. I was terrified because I was by myself.
But then right as they were wheeling me into the elevator my mom was there.

It wasn't easy, not that its supposed to be but here's something funny. At about 10pm right in the thick of it my mom says "You know I'm not superstitious but it is Friday the 13th, maybe you could wait a couple of hours."
I was like "Are you kidding me? I don't care what the date is, he needs to get here!!"
So, fast forward 2 hours and she actually turns to me and says "OK, its 12:01, anytime you're ready to have that kid."
Of course at the time it was too intense to fully appreciate just how funny that was but shortly after and all these years later I still laugh about it.

There he was laying in his little bassinet and all I could do was look. All I could do was wonder how on earth could I possibly love someone so much I had just met. I was full to over flowing. It took my breath away.

And less than 2 years later God, in His amazingness provided a daddy for Jared and a husband for me. I never could have imagined in all I had done, in all the terrible ways I had lived that I would be worthy of such a precious gift. Thank God its never something we have to earn. I didn't deserve it but He gave it to me anyway. Brian was immediately wonderful with Jared, as if he had been there from the beginning. The first time I heard Jared call Brian "daddy" I thought my heart would explode. To this day I am always overcome with emotion as I recall how God had His hand in it all even though I couldn't have been farther from Him.
This is why I am such an advocate for being a praying parent. I know I was covered as a result of my mom's obedience to pray for her children.

It hasn't always been like that since then. There have been good times and bad times. But they are always overcome because we love like a family is supposed to love. Unconditionally.

The emotion surrounding these last few weeks has been, at times overwhelming as its forced me to recall all we've been through since Jared was born. I've had moments where I simply couldn't breathe when I think how this chapter is ending and a new one is beginning and in no time at all he won't even be living in my house. I won't be there to protect him when he gets hurt. But I also realized all this time I've been preparing him for exactly this. That has been my role these past 18 years. It doesn't mean I don't get to parent him anymore, it just means I might be doing it a little more silently.

It's Jared's time and I have to let go. It's time for him to fly away on his own and I have to take comfort knowing I did the best I could and with God's grace and mercy he will be OK.

Finding my Voice

Today is the anniversary of my mothers death.
It's not as negative as in years past, in fact I have found I am finally able to talk about her without falling apart.

Progress, I like it.

This past mothers day was also different than all the ones since she died. For the first time I found myself able to be celebrated instead of just putting on a happy face for the kids all the while I'm silently grieving.

When we sat together after her death discussing her memorial service we were all somewhat in a daze. It seems funny to me even now, I mean here we are grieving beyond belief and now we have to make all kinds of decisions.

When we reached the part about the music it was easy. Mom had sung in all church choirs where we had attended since before I was born so it was only natural to have a full choir.

From out of nowhere I said I wanted to sing. One of her favorite songs written by her then choir director Orlando Juarez was Face to Face. To those of you who know me now this is no big thing. Because thats what I do, SING!

But 8 years ago, that was something I'd given very little thought to. Even though I had started singing at age 5 and been in every church choir until the age of 12 I hadn't used my talent since then.

I had somehow bought into the thought pattern that all my years running from the things of God had robbed me of the voice God had given me.

However, several months before something had been stirring in me and I'd asked mom to start giving me some tips on how to start singing again.

But with her illness progressing it just didn't seem to be a priority.

So when I spoke up regarding singing at her service it was as if someone else was saying it. I knew which song and I knew I wanted my mom's sister, Holly to sing with me. So I never really gave it a second thought.

Holly and I barely practiced the song but when the time came there was no fear or anxiety at all. As we went up to sing I closed my eyes, lifted my hands and sang the song from my heart and to my mom. It was the most beautiful moment since she had died.

Since that time I've truly found my voice. I've given my gift back to God and gotten involved where I've felt I've been called to serve.

Loss is never an easy thing to go through but God's promises are always true. And what the enemy meant for evil God turned around for my good and His glory.

Face to Face

Face to face with you in your love and mercy

Sheltered by your glory As I stand face to face with you

Amazing grace surrounds me Songs of praise stir within me

I lift my hands in praise Sin no longer holds me

Captured by your grace I stand before you holy

Thankful for your love oh the joy of sweet communion

There will always be a song of praise within my heart

as I stand Face to Face.

Where we are and how we are...This ones for you Mollie.

I had a friend ask me recently where we are in our process and how we are doing. Thanks to Mollie, I am taking a moment to blog which I realize I haven't been very good at lately.

We have had a few ups and downs in the last 4 weeks and a glitch or two which were really upsetting. In fact, we had to wait about 2 weeks while the agencies involved decided if we could even continue our journey. I am not going to post those details however if you ask me in person I will happily share them with you. In fact as this goes along and we meet more and more people going through this process we will be able to encourage others because of what happened with us.

In the beginning of this wait period I was beside myself as was Brian. But then I was quickly reminded Who was in control and Who planted this in our hearts and I rested. Now this didn't mean that I didn't think about it daily or ask Brian if they had called yet but I had full confidence in knowing it was out of my hands and I could rest in the One Who held it.

It was interesting too, because one of my best friends asked me if I was going to call and defend myself to one of the board members of our adoption agency because we are related and I said "No, God is my defender" and I meant every word and had full confidence that no matter how things looked God knows our hearts. 1 Samuel 16:7

While on vacation last week word came back YES! You are fine, here's what you need to do...etc.

So, to the question where we are? We are still gathering some more paperwork needed to complete our home study and should be setting a date for our final interview with our social worker hopefully by the end of June. YAY!!!

How we are? We are amazing! Yes, we had a couple of melt downs but I can honestly say after crying for about 10 minutes I placed it in God's very capable hands and rested in His promises.

I sent out a text to my friend Tracy whom I met at adoption class to pray and she did. (I don't have your number Mollie or you would have gotten one too)

I leaned on several amazing friends here who are huge support to us and just prayed.

It did serve to remind me that you cannot do this alone. Support is everything and knowing others who are going through it is also a huge plus because they understand every step and know how crazy it can be.

Thank you thank you thank you for all your prayers and support. Please keep them coming because we are long way from being finished but we know we are on God's timetable, not our own and that gives us even more peace while on this journey.

Blessings!

Love is in the air.

Brian, the kids and I just spent some amazing time with Brians family. His brother, who is 5 years younger has a 17 month old daughter Moxie. We are completely in love with her. She took to all of us really quickly and loved the boys.
We have loved every minute being with our family and will miss them terribly.
Just one more reason I can't wait to bring our daughter home. She will have an amazing cousin close in age and will be smothered in love.








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John Piper~If You Abide in My Word, You Are Truly My Disciples

I listened to this message today by John Piper and was brought to tears because of how thankful I am to be part of God's family. I would encourage you all to listen and take notes. Its an incredible message of truth, wisdom and how to know if you are truly Jesus' disciple.
Enjoy and be blessed.

A Crazy God Blessed Life.

There is only one word to describe our life over the past 8 weeks. CRAZY!!

The week before Jayden's 12th birthday we went to see this house after Brian's boss had seen some pictures online. He had asked us if we were still looking to move. The truth at that moment was NO! We were happy where we were and had no interest of battling the banks to try and get a loan after we had been denied in November. We figured this was where God wanted us and were quite content.

Still, it did spike our interest especially since it was a log home and a foreclosure that had never been lived in. So, we went. Admittedly it was overwhelming as to how far it was from where we currently lived but even from the outside we loved what we saw. Then we went in. WOW! That's all we walked around saying. We just couldn't believe that it was a foreclosure. It sits on an acre and a half of land and there are only 2 other houses on the other 8 and a half acres. There is also a creek about a minutes walk from the house which we would have full access to for fishing, kayaking etc. So, a week later we made an offer. Well, if you've ever dealt with a foreclosure then you know its a game to see who wins. When it was all said and done I know we won.

Then all the fun really began. That week I broke my arm and life was kind of on hold. So was the house especially when we were denied again. I really just felt that it wasn't God's timing and I wasn't about to get in the way of that so I told Brian we should take a step back. We let our realtor know the situation who in turn let the bank holding the house know and lets just say they wouldn't take NO for an answer. They started all kinds of wheels in motion while Brian and I sat back not knowing which way to go or what decision was right.

Meanwhile I still have a broken arm, we are going from adoption class to social worker interviews, homeschooling, church, work yada yada yada yada.

It just kept on and on, the bank trying to get us financed kept saying we will have an answer in a few days, a few days turned into a few weeks and before we knew it, it was almost the end of March. Brian and I went back and forth wondering, praying, seeking counsel, weighing all our options. Is this our house? If they approve us do we still want it? What about the location? What about our adoption? Could we put all this money down on a house and still find money to complete our adoption? The questions and concerns just wouldn't let up. One minute we would think we had the "final" answer only to come to the next minute and feel like we were drowning. We would rock back and forth between rest and doubt. Then one morning about a week before they came back with a decision it just hit me like a ton of bricks. I just prayed and asked God to cause the choices we make to line up with His will. That is all we wanted. I just had immediate peace and knew that is what would happen. I text Brian who, as the head of our home was struggling because he didn't want to make a wrong decision. I told him how precisely I had prayed for us and the whole house situation and we both just breathed a sigh of relief. 6 days later they called us to say we would be closing 2 days later.

At this point not one box was packed but thankfully we had 30 days until we had to be out of our rental. The whirlwind began the day after closing, Brian and I went to clean the house and pull up the vinyl flooring in the laundry room and downstairs bathroom. Considering the house had been vacant since they finished building it wasn't as dirty as we thought it would be. That same weekend Brian and Jared laid tile in both those rooms and by Sunday afternoon the boys and I took our first load of "stuff" out there.

Monday thru Thursday we took load after load and on Friday the movers came to move all the big items. It was the first time we've ever hired movers but it was so worth it.

So, here we are a week later, we're all unpacked and slowly getting things hung up and put where they need to go. It'll be a work in progress for awhile but we've got nothing but time at this point. We have been so overwhelmed by everything. We simply feel undeserving but know how good our God is. We thank Him daily for this amazing opportunity and will cherish every moment we are blessed to live in this house.

For all of you who have been asking for pics below is a slide show of how the house currently looks. It's pretty basic but it will give you an idea of what it looks like. I hope you enjoy.

Scrapbook personalized with Smilebox

Dr. Oz, Cancer from cold water & Heart attacks.

I have always liked reading different opinions on health and nutrition. My Aunt sent me this little tid bit from Dr. Oz.

DR. OZ on eating fruit
This is informative!

We all think eating fruit means just buying fruit, cutting it up and popping it into our mouths. It's not that easy. It's important to know how and when to eat fruit.

What's the correct way to eat fruit?

IT MEANS NOT EATING FRUIT AFTER A MEAL! FRUIT SHOULD BE EATEN ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.

Eating fruit like that plays a major role in detoxifying your system, supplying you with a great deal of energy for weight loss and other life activities.

FRUIT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FOOD.

Let's say you eat two slices of bread, then a slice of fruit. The slice of fruit is ready to go straight through the stomach into the intestines, but it's prevented from doing so.

In the meantime, the whole meal rots and ferments, and turns to acid. The minute the fruit comes into contact with the food in the stomach, and digestive juices, the entire mass of food begins to spoil.
Eat your fruit on an empty stomach, or before your meal! You've heard people complain: Every time I eat watermelon I burp, when I eat durian my stomach bloats, when I eat a banana I feel like running to the toilet, etc. This will not happen if you eat the fruit on an empty stomach. Fruit mixes with the putrefying other food and produces gas. Hence, you bloat!
There's no such thing as some fruits, like orange and lemon are acidic, because all fruit becomes alkaline in our body, according to Dr. Herbert Shelton who did research on this matter. If you have mastered the correct way of eating fruit, you have the Secret of Beauty, Longevity, Health, Energy, Happiness and normal weight.
When you need to drink fruit juice drink only fresh fruit juice, NOT the concentrated juice from the cans. Don't drink juice that has been heated. Don't eat cooked fruit; you don't get the nutrients at all. You get only the taste. Cooking destroys all of the vitamins.
Eating a whole fruit is better than drinking the juice. If you should drink the juice, drink it mouthful by mouthful slowly, because you must let it mix with your saliva before swallowing it. You can go on a 3-day fruit-fast to cleanse your body. Eat fruit and drink fruit juice for just 3 days, and you will be surprised when your friends say how radiant you look!

KIWI: Tiny but mighty, and a good source of potassium, magnesium, vitamin E and fiber. Its vitamin C content is twice that of an orange!

AN APPLE a day keeps the doctor away? Although an apple has a low vitamin C content, it has antioxidants and flavonoids which enhances the activity of vitamin C, thereby helping to lower the risk of colon cancer, heart attack and stroke.

STRAWBERRY: Protective Fruit. Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits and protect the body from cancer-causing, blood vessel-clogging free radicals.

EATING 2 - 4 ORANGES a day may help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent and dissolve kidney stones, and reduce the risk of colon cancer.

WATERMELON: Coolest thirst quencher. Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione, which helps boost our immune system.. Also a key source of lycopene, the cancer-fighting oxidant. Also found in watermelon: Vitamin C and Potassium.

GUAVA & PAPAYA: Top awards for vitamin C. They are the clear winners for their high vitamin C content. Guava is also rich in fiber, which helps prevent constipation. Papaya is rich in carotene, good for your eyes.

Drinking Cold water after a meal = Cancer!
Can you believe this? For those who like to drink cold water, this applies to you. It's nice to have a cold drink after a meal, however, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you've just consumed, which slows digestion Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.

A serious note about heart attacks.

HEART ATTACK PROCEDURE
Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting. Be aware of intense pain in the jaw. You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. Sixty percent of people who have a heart attack while they're asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Be careful, and be aware. The more we know, the better our chance to survive.




















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Duh!! Winning...in the best way possible.

Our life in Bullets!

- Jayden turned 12.
- We went ice skating to celebrate, kids had an awesome time.
- I fell and broke the radial head in my elbow.
- Spent the evening at urgent care. Cried like a baby. 1. Because of the pain and 2. because I was missing what I thought was Jayden's last basketball game of the season.
- Jayden's team made the play offs.
- Spent the weekend in a fog of pain and meds.
- Saw ortho doc that week and first cast put on.
- Jacks basketball team won the league championship. :0)
- Homestudy agency approved our application and gave us dates for our adoption classes.
- Jaydens team lost last basketball game. :0(
- Played Bunco and WON!!!
- Hosted small group Matrix movie night.
- Attended 2 funerals.
- Went back to doc with hopes of cast coming off. It came off and then went right back on. Radial head fractured worse than doc originally thought.
- Attended first adoption class and met some amazing people.
- Spoke with adoption liaison regarding special needs child.
- Made decision to adopt special needs child.
- Jared decided his goal is to attend Masters Commision beginning in September.
- Jared began and finished drivers ed.
- Saw Hurricanes beat Panthers at last weeks hockey game.
- Got sucked into American Idol.
- First meeting with our social worker.
- Attended last adoption class and praying the connections made won't be lost.

It's been a whirlwind for a couple of months, hence why I haven't blogged. Not to mention typing one handed isnt easy. Lord willing I'll get my cast off Friday and blogging will be easier.
We have been so blessed by all the people who have assisted us during this time.
The adoption process is definately underway but will still be awhile. We appreciate your prayers and encouragement. We could not do this without you!

James 1:27
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Be blessed!

Duh!! Winning...in the best way possible.

- Jayden turned 12.
- We went ice skating to celebrate, kids had an awesome time.
- I fell and broke the radial head in my elbow.
- Spent the evening at urgent care. Cried like a baby. 1. Because of the pain and 2. because I was missing what I thought was Jayden's last basketball game of the season.
- Jayden's team made the play offs.
- Spent the weekend in a fog of pain and meds.
- Saw ortho doc that week and first cast put on.
- Jacks basketball team won the league championship. :0)
- Homestudy agency approved our application and gave us dates for our adoption classes.
- Jaydens team lost last basketball game. :0(
- Played Bunco and WON!!!
- Hosted small group Matrix movie night.
- Attended 2 funerals.
- Went back to doc with hopes of cast coming off. It came off and then went right back on. Radial head fractured worse than doc originally thought.
- Attended first adoption class and met some amazing people.
- Spoke with adoption liaison regarding special needs child.
- Made decision to adopt special needs child.
- Jared decided his goal is to attend Masters Commision beginning in September.
- Jared began and finished drivers ed.
- Saw Hurricanes beat Panthers at last weeks hockey game.
- Got sucked into American Idol.
- First meeting with our social worker.
- Attended last adoption class and praying the connections made won't be lost.

It's been a whirlwind for a couple of months, hence why I haven't blogged. Not to mention typing one handed isnt easy. Lord willing I'll get my cast off Friday and blogging will be easier.
We have been so blessed by all the people who have assisted us during this time.
The adoption process is definately underway but will still be awhile. We appreciate your prayers and encouragement. We could not do this without you!

James 1:27
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Be blessed!
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Banana Republic

My friend Aubrey found this and sent it to me since I'm always interested in natural remedies. Pretty interesting.

Nine Unconventional Uses of a Banana!

Bananas are known for their medicinal values and as a staple food in many tropical countries. Not only the fruit, even the flower and the trunk are used for consumption in many South-Asian countries.

Here are some unconventional uses of a Banana:

1. Banana As A Cosmetic:

This fruit not only has nutritional properties when eaten, it also does wonders to your facial skin when applied externally, especially if you have a dry skin. Combine mashed banana with honey or almond oil and apply this evenly on your face and neck. Keep for twenty minutes and wash with cold water. Voila! You have a soft and a supple skin your friends will envy.

A banana also makes for a great recipe for shiny hair. Add some honey, some yogurt, and some lemon juice to a mashed banana and apply it all over your hair. Keep for about half an hour before shampooing your hair. And lo! You have shiny soft hair without any artificial conditioners or shiners.

2. Getting Rid Of A Wart or reduce mosquito bite swelling:

3. A Shoe / Leather Shiner For Emergency:The potassium in the banana helps in this remedy. Just rub the insides of a banana peel on the wart for a few days. The wart will be gone. Also, rubbing the insides of a peel on a mosquito bite will not only help the itch to go away but will also reduce the swelling.

Rub the insides of a banana on your shoe or anything made of leather, and then buff it up with a tissue. The shoe/leather will shine as good as new.

4. As a Fertilizer:

Since bananas are rich in phosphorus and potassium, they make a great addition to your compost pile. You can also bury the skin directly a little under the soil of your rose bushes to detract aphids.

5. Promotes Healing:

Banana skin also promotes healing especially if you have been grazed or scraped. Just apply the insides of the banana skin to the wound. It not only helps reduce pain but also speeds up the process of healing. It also helps in reducing rashes you might have got from sumac, poison oak or poison ivy.

6. Get White Teeth:

Just sprinkle some table salt on the inside of a banana peel and rub it on your teeth for about a couple of minutes. Try it for two weeks continuously to see results. You will be surprised at how your teeth stains vanish!

7. Tenderizer:

If you feel that your meat will turn out to be a little tough, just adding a ripe peeled banana to the pan before roasting the meat will soften it.

8. Erase Ink Stains:

If you have any ink stains on your skin, just rub the inside of a banana skin onto your skin until the stains go away.

9. Erase Scratches Off Your CD:

Rub the inside of a banana peel on the CD in circular motions and then wipe off with a soft cloth. Your CD is as good as new!

From this website http://quazen.com/recreation/food/nine-unconventional-uses-of-a-banana/

Faith in WHAT?!

Brian and I were watching old episodes of LA Ink yesterday while the boys were skating. I am completely fascinated with tattoos and tattooing.

The thing I like the most about LA Ink is they tell you all the stories of the clients and the reason for the tattoo.

A beautiful woman came in the shop and was getting her first tattoo from Corey (who is no longer on the show) of the word Faith on the inside of her wrist. Anytime anyone gets anything "christiany" I wait with expectancy for the reason why.

Now, at first look you would think this woman was a model. It turns out she is a WWE Raw wrestler. She then went on to explain how no one ever said she could make it as a wrestler or believed in her and she said but I went out and I proved them all wrong because I had FAITH that I could do it! So I sat there waiting for the climax of that statement. I knew what I wanted it to be. I wanted her to say because of my Faith in God I knew I could do it.

But that isn't what she meant at all. She had faith in herself. I was disheartened.

Later as Brian and I were on our way to small group it hit me that just as people use the term "I'm a Christian" yet live their own way Monday through Saturday I'm hearing that word faith thrown around so loosely more and more.

They are having "faith" in just about anything but God these days.

Faith in their careers, faith in their spouse, faith in their family or friends, faith in the future, faith in finances, faith in their Pastor or church. And most of all Faith in THEMSELVES!!!

In small doses faith in these "things" isn't all bad but at the end of the day if we don't have Faith in God none of those "things" matter. They aren't what saves us.

And as believers we have to be ever vigilant and aware of who we are really putting our Faith in.

Hebrews 11:6 And without FAITH it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.

So, examine yourself (I know I am), who or what do you really have faith in?

Arrogance, Pharisee's and God's love.

A small yet profound revelation for me this morning as I was praying.

God is not mad at me. I have heard it said more times than I can count not to mention all the sermons with that exact title preached.

But when you realize it for yourself it is something quite different.

I was a Pharisee for years.

Always comparing myself with others and what they were or weren't doing. If you're a christian at any level, I know you can relate to this statement.

I had myself so convinced God was either mad or disappointed with me most of the time. Therefore, if I looked at someone and they were doing things that were worse then God was more mad at them than me, and I could breathe a little easier. Some logic huh?

Then this morning as I was praying for myself, family, church, friends etc.

And I can't explain why but honestly I don't care b/c of the freedom it has brought.

He isn't mad at anyone.

Sad maybe.

But not mad.

God is love.

He loves me, He loves you.

He wants you and will do whatever He can to get you.

He loves the rapist.

He loves the adulterer.

He loves the porn star.

He loves the stay at home mom.

He loves the gang leader.

He loves the drug addict.

He loves the pastor.

He loves the man/woman who is cheating on their taxes.

He loves the homosexual living in sin.

He loves the broken and the hurting.

He is there with open arms waiting to heal the hurt and bring peace and comfort to me, you and anyone else who will let Him.

In my arrogance I never got this before. I am no better or worse than anyone of the above. I am just in need of my Father's love, forgiveness and acceptance.

Read Luke 18:9-14

Romans 2:4 is one of my favorite verses.

Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?

Something else I forgot. Just because I repented and came into relationship with Jesus doesn't mean I never have to repent again. His love and kindness in my life gently shows me other things (sins) in my life that I need to repent of. My heart is bursting with all God is teaching me. I feel so blessed.

As a result of my revelation the Pharisee in me will die and I will walk in freedom.

More importantly, I can now be more effective in helping others see the goodness of God regardless of where they are in life.

He is waiting with open arms, all we have to do is fall into His embrace.

Happy New Year and Fear of the Unknown

Happy New Year!!! Once again it's hard to believe another year has come and gone but here we are ready to start anew.

This can be a really hard time for some people. As we watched the ball drop last night I felt a lump in my throat and fought back the tears as a twinge of anxiety surfaced. See for years I battled depression and anxiety. Most of which are due to me being a control freak and worrier.

As I've grown in my relationship with Jesus I have truly begun to grasp the concept that I don't have to worry about anything. I have literally had moments of pure elation when I realize that even death itself is nothing to fear. Of course those moments quickly pass by and I have to remind myself what I was worrying about. Have you ever been there?

All worrying is is the concept of thinking you are controlling everything and/or everyone in your life. For instance, when I go places with other people I always like to drive because then I am in control of getting to said place safely. It's the exact reason I don't like to fly. I can't see where I am going and someone else is at the controls.

But thats just it. I know the saying "Is God your Pilot" cliche but its so true. Is he?

The reality is we are not in control of anything except ourselves and how we are responding to God's call in our lives. And His basic call to all of His children is to love Him with all our heart, soul, mind etc. and to love others. The rest is gravy. He promised He would never leave us nor forsake us. Hebrew 13:5 So, do I do you really believe that or don't we? I know one thing is for sure. He is not a man that He can lie so if that is what He says then that is what is true. Which means no matter how we feel about this new year and all the unknowns God will be there to walk us through all of it.

I feel blessed to have learned that once I recognize I am worrying I breathe a prayer of thankfulness that God has it under control and is guiding and directing my steps.

Psalm 37:23-24 says The steps of a man are established by the LORD, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the LORD upholds his hand.

I love what this says. All you need to do is delight in His way and even when you do fall He upholds you with His hand. That is just beautiful to me.

So trust in this promise and just wait, peace will follow and you will be blown away by it.

I challenge you today. Rest in God's truths not just for this New Year but for all the New Year's to come and may 2011 bring us even closer to Jesus.

A White Christmas and so much more...

Since we had no family coming for Christmas this year we did something we've never done. Packed up at the last minute and headed to the mountains. We found a great deal on a beautiful cabin on the side of a mountain (a little scary too) and decided what better place to be than where there is snow for Christmas and the boys could learn to ski.

Getting up to the cabin proved a little more difficult than originally thought. And although we were warned to have either 4 wheel drive or snow chains the fault is ours alone. You see as were driving through it was clear there was very little snow to even speak of and only saw tiny amounts going up the sides of mountains so we chose snow cables. They were the cheaper of the 2 and therefore the way to go. Not so, because when you are climbing to an altitude of 3500 feet there may not be remnants of snow but by golly there will be remnants of ice and sure enough. As we were driving up the very steep tiny-barely-able-to-fit-one-car lane drive which by the way had a total drop off into the valley below some 500 feet on my side, the car got stuck, wheels began spinning, we started to slide and the cables were useless. By this time I am having quite the anxiety attack since its very dark and I am terrified of heights. Why go to the mountains I hear you ask? The things you do for the ones you love.
At that moment I exited the car in haste and took in a deep breath of mountain air. I also proceeded to walk as fast and as safely as I could up the rest of the drive to see just how far away the house was because I was not getting back in that car. Shortly after that Brian decided he could not get the rest of the way up without chains so we all hopped out of the car and walked all of our stuff up to the house. He made his way back down the mountain returned the cables and spent the extra money for safety and peace of mind.

We headed out Christmas Eve to take the boys skiing. Because of my neck injury I was simply the cheerleader and photographer for this event. The boys were excited, as was I because I had skied as a kid and loved it. I am pleased to say I only had 3 more anxiety attacks that day and one had nothing to do with height.

We were driving through Banner Elk downtown area taking in all the sights. We just happen to look over at a grassy hill area just in time to witness a police officer unloading a couple of rounds on a raccoon. Even though I know raccoons aren't your everyday tame domestic animal it was still a sight to behold and really shocked the boys.
Anyway, I digress. As we are ascending the mountain I feel the wave of panic set in again and wonder how much further are we from the top. It's almost as if I can somehow see us catapulting off the top every time we round another corner. But instead we just climb higher and higher and with every turn its steeper and steeper and I just wanna get off the ride.
But its kind of the same feeling I had when I was giving birth. You can't stop and decide you are done. There is no where to turn around, there is no where to pull over. You just have to keep going until you reach the top. Sensing my panic Brian had the foresight to pull over at the top. Ya I know what you are thinking, its too late now she's already melted down. But, surprisingly I still had it together. (I didn't completely lose it until later) So, we pulled over and took a couple pics.

Isn't that breathtaking? God is truly a magnificent creator. After a brief moment to catch my breath we drove around the corner and there was Beech Mountain.

It took about 30 minutes to get everyones stuff on, rent ski's, and find the bunny slopes and once they did it was only 5 minutes to decide they all needed to take the class.

Fast forward an hour and they are done being bunnies and ready to rock the real slopes. Its so amazing to watch how fast kids pick stuff up. Before I knew it, all of them were coming down that second mountain so fast I could hardly catch a picture or video. They had a blast. Here are a few more pics.

Leaving was hard. First of all they were all having a such a good time they didn't want it to be over and second because 4:30 was the end for everyone. They were closing so it was a race to hurry up and wait to turn in all your ski equipment.

The drive back down the mountain was pretty uneventful except for me crying in the back seat and my 11 year old attempting to comfort me. Seriously, my boys are never going to want me to go anywhere with them again.

Christmas day was beautiful. Since it had been snowing all night the trees glistened and children listened...just kidding. Honestly though it was beautiful.

After we ate pancakes, opened presents and stuffed ourselves with ham and everything else for Christmas lunch we suited up and went for a walk. Since there was a sled the boys had a blast walking from hill to hill seeing who could go down the fastest. It got funny when one had ice under the snow and Jared didn't realize it. He wasn't quite so eager the next time.

The plan was to go skiing the day after Christmas but by the time we got up there was already 8 inches of freshly fallen snow on the ground and it was still snowing. The forecast said a blizzard was coming and wasn't expected to let up until 6 the following day. So we decided to cut our losses and leave a day early.

However, I can't finish this post without boasting about my husbands amazing skills. He had to back down the drive in over 10 inches of snow and even when the car began to slide he never lost his cool (of course I'm a different story). Instead of sliding off the side, we slid into the side of the mountain. Finally, we were able to turn around and I truly thank God for His angels guiding us safely down and through the valley to the main road.

Moral of the story: Rachel stays at the bottom of the mountain.

All in all a beautiful and somewhat adventurous Christmas.

I have so much to be thankful for and am!!

The Gift of an Ordinary Day by Katrina Kenison

A great 7 minutes. Take time to watch.

Thankful

I am beyond thankful this season. Here are some of my reasons:
Hope in Jesus which is what sustains me.
A husband who loves me unconditionally, is an amazing provider, spiritual leader and pretty good in other areas too! *wink wink*
3 happy healthy boys who, despite all my efforts to stop them are growing up way too fast.
An extended group of family and friends who know me intimately and still love me.
Freedom to speak the name of Jesus without fear.
To live in America.
The house I live in, the car I drive (that is paid for), and the church I attend.
The freedom to Homeschool my children.
Sushi, bunco and Starbucks. :0D
Don't take life for granted. Be thankful every day!!



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Right where I am

I live in NC. I have purpose here. Sometimes I wonder though. I am homesick, to the point of breathlessness right now. How is it, when life is already so short my family is somehow called to be on the other side of the country?

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21

I think that says it all.

When I realize that as I go about my life with my heart being fully committed to God and focused on Him then even when I feel purposeless His plans are prevailing.

I have these times when I question and doubt and wonder how this little seemingly insignificant life I lead has any purpose but thats just it, my heart is truly devoted to God and if this is where He wants me, doing just what I am doing right now then OK!

I think too often we compare ourselves with what others are doing. We sit and think well Christine Caine has been ministering in 4 countries in the last 2 weeks, or Francis Chan is starting yet another church in California and Nicky Cruz just had his 2,000th crusade. But I/you haven't been called to be Christine, Francis or Nicky. I've been called to be ME! I have to remind myself that just because I am not jet setting around the globe that somehow my life isn't as significant. God loves me and can use me right where I am as long as my heart is devoted to Him for His purposes and not my own.

Rest

I have been learning to rest. Not the whole mom of three kids, plus a husband and homeschool etc and I need a break kind of rest. But the resting in God kind of rest.
It started about a month ago after we began looking for a house. I wasn't really sure I even wanted to pursue house buying again. After all we went through in Florida I guess you could say I was gun shy. Now admittedly we didn't exactly do things the right way but even still we have been working really hard to be debt free so I didn't want to add any more. Not that house debt is bad debt but anyway, I digress.
There were just lots of things happening all at once I felt totally overwhelmed.
During my time with the Lord one morning I was reading in Matthew.
Matthew 6:25-27 says Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
Then in Matthew 10:28-31 Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
The first scripture is telling me not to worry about my life or what I will eat or drink or what I will wear. That life is so much more than all those things. I like how in both scriptures there is a reference to birds.
Several times a week I'll sit on my back porch in the mornings to talk to God and my view is an empty field. As I watch the morning fully roll in the birds are flying all over, some solo and some together. I watch how they are so free and its so clear to me how they just live their lives knowing its all good. They are just birds but not one will fall to the ground outside your father's care. He knows when a bird falls to the ground and I'm worried that He might be missing something in my life?
So, back to rest. What does that look like? Different things for different people I guess. For some its disconnecting from the world, shutting off the phone, computer or TV, being quiet, taking a time out and getting away from it all. Maybe its all of these things. I think more than that its recognizing that God holds it all in the palm of His hand. He loves me and has it all under control. My life, my marriage, my kids, my future, everything and anything. Not only that but when I lack wisdom for any situation that He has control over I simply need to ask and He gives it to me. James 1:5. Key is to choose it. To open my hand and my heart and let Him reign. He has nothing but goodness for His children but we have to make the choice to give it up to Him and trust He knows best.
So, this house situation has been amazing all the way through because where ever we have needed wisdom God has provided it. We have prayed without ceasing, sought godly counsel and ultimately left it in His hands and entered His rest and its been the best thing I have ever done.
So, my encouragement to you? Choose to enter His rest. You will never regret it.

Halloween and stickin' it out!

Halloween this year was spent at our churchs' trunk or treat since I got suckered into decorating a car. If you know me, then you know that is not my area of expertise. Nevertheless I sucked it up and not only decorated but also made up a game for the kids to play for candy. Brian and I bought the best candy so I had to spend the whole night smelling this amazing chocolate and sugar mix. It was intoxicating but I held out and didn't give in and have even one piece. In just 28 short days Paleo has held true to it's word that when you cheat you feel horrible so it's not worth giving in. That doesn't mean though that it's getting easier because it isn't. In fact I'm quite sure I had migraine last night simply from inhaling. Well not quite but it sounds good doesn't it?
The boys had a blast being Napoleon and Pedro and Jayden even won the middle school costume contest. (Jackson won for Napoleon at a party last week) See below how funny they looked.
After beating the candy monster that is Halloween I am convinced Thanksgiving and Christmas will be a breeze.


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Thankfulness: It's an attitude

Lately I find my youngest constantly complaining about everything. It doesn't matter what it is, he finds a reason to complain. My standard response lately has been "Wow,it's never enough is it?" I wonder as I utter those words and even now as I write this does God feel this way? Do the lives we live out before Him and before others in our so-called Christian life scream out I want more, this isn't enough!! I have to ask myself what example have I set for my son and others that shows there is reason to complain. Because the truth is, there is nothing I or anyone anywhere in America has anything to complain about. But our pathetic culture has told us we do. We are bombarded daily with the subtle reminders of all we are missing in our lives. That if we buy into the lie it will make things complete and we will finally have peace.
But I have found the truth, thankfully! The truth is Gods rest is all I need. The peace that comes with knowing all I am and all I'll ever be is wrapped up in Him. That He holds me in the palm of His hand and true rest is found in knowing I have no control because He has all of it and He will never leave me.
Now, if I can only convey this to my son.
Try an attitude of thankfulness, you have nothing to lose and there is so much to be thankful for!

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It's the great pumpkin Charlie Brown

Monday evening our fam decided to do something we had never done before, carve pumpkins for Halloween. Now, before any of you get all Christinese on me we didn't do anything creepy or scary.
The boys (Jackson and Jayden, Jared is too cool) were pretty excited after dad cut off the top and they started cleaning out the insides. Of course it wasn't long before their excitement turned to groans coupled with "gross" and "ewwww". Even I was shocked at just how much junk was really in there and how long it took to scrape it all out. And as Brian pointed out, you better get all the "hair" out or once the candle is lit will catch on fire pretty quick once it's all dried out.
We let Jack and JD pick the faces and Dad and Jared went about carving them out. Its a lot harder than it looks but in the end we were pretty proud of how normal our pumpkins look.

For whatever reason all the pics loaded the wrong way. Here is the finished product.

Digging out its guts, yuck!

THINKING OUT LOUD: Change Your Name, Christian, Or Change Your Conduc...

THINKING OUT LOUD: Change Your Name, Christian, Or Change Your Conduc...: "'No matter where you find yourself, God has better things for you. That doesn't mean the absence of stress, pain and conflict. What it d..."

Things I've learned after 13 days on Paleo.

13 days ago Brian and I decided it was time to be proactive with our eating and health. We both wanted to feel better and sometimes you have to be extreme if you want extreme results. No more excuses!
Here are some things I've learned:
•Being this disciplined is extremely difficult.
•There are less things I can eat than I can't.
•Spaghetti with spaghetti squash is actually really good.
•I hate salad when I can't have good ole fashioned ranch.
•Paleo pancakes are pretty good but real maple syrup is not.
•Dark chocolate chips help when you are craving something sweet.
•I haven't been as tired during the day as normal.
•Potatoes make me sick, so do mushrooms.
•Almond milk and almond butter rocks and Paleo or not I'll never go back.
•Coconut milk is disgusting!!!
•Being this disciplined is worth it bc I feel great!!

This applies in all areas of our life. Discipline is never easy but always worth it!!!





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Remembering with Love

This is a picture of my beautiful mother.
She was 19 when it was taken.
This picture makes me smile.
There aren't enough words to describe how much I love her!!
Today she would have been 60.
I would have loved to tease her about it.
I can't do that.
She is with Jesus.
I ache to hear her voice.
I miss her contagious laugh.
I long for her presence in my life.
I am comforted in knowing she is whole, healed and abiding daily in God's presence.
I cling to the Hope I will see her again.
Happy Birthday Momma!!




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Who YOU are in HIM!!

For too many years I believed I was only as good as the car I drove, the house I lived, the clothes I wore and the company I kept. And because I bought into this lie life sucked! I was defined by things and people. I failed to understand who I was in Jesus. I was in debt, stressed out, unfulfilled, and basically miserable. As a result I judged others the way I felt the world judged me. If I had more then I felt I was better. If I had less then I felt inferior. It was a vicious cycle that tore me apart on the inside. It wasn't until we moved here 2 years ago on the verge of bankruptcy that God began opening my eyes to what was really important. All this material worldly stuff was so temporal. At the end of the day all this would fade to black. But what mattered? My heart! Your heart! The heart of the Father. Our relationships with each other. And of course first and foremost our relationship with Him. As I let Jesus in and do some heart surgery I entered His rest in this area. I'm not there yet and will never be but I am working towards my transformation in Him. Knowing what Jesus says about me and the truth in that is what will set me free. I want my Father to define me. I want the character and nature of Jesus flowing out of my life everyday so people will see my good deeds and praise my Father in heaven. Matt 5:16
Here are the truths of who we are in Him:
I am loved 1John 3:3
I am accepted Ephesians 1:6
I am a child of God John 1:12
I am Jesus' friend John 15:14
I am a joint heir with Jesus, sharing His inheritance with Him Romans 8:17
I am united with God and one spirit with Him 1Corinthians 6:17
I am a temple of God. His spirit and his life live in me 1 Corinthians 6:19
I am a member of Christ's body. 1 Corinthians 12:27
I am a Saint Ephesians 1:1
I am redeemed and forgiven Colossians 1:14
I am complete in Jesus Christ Colossians 2:10
I am free from condemnation Romans 8:1
I am a new creation because I am in Christ 2Corinthians 5:17
I am chosen of God, holy and dearly loved Colossians 3:12
I am established, anointed, and sealed by God 2Corinthians 1:21
I do not have a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and a sound mind 2Timothy 1:7
I am God's co-worker 2Corinthians 6:1
I am seated in heavenly places with Christ Eph 2:6
I have direct access to God Ephesians 2:18
I am chosen to bear fruit John 15:16
I am one of God's living stones, being built up in Christ as a spiritual house 1 Peter 2:5
I have been given exceedingly great and precious promises by God by which I share His nature 2 Peter 1:4
I can always know the presence of God because He never leaves me Hebrews 13:5
God works in me to help me do the things He wants me to do Philippians 2:13
I can ask God for wisdom and He will give me what I need James 1:5
Read these daily and be encouraged with these truths!!!

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Paleo Day 5. I want some bread!

Today I'm struggling. Especially as I eat my afternoon snack. Dont get me wrong, I love apples and almond butter but I long for bread. I crave bread, I NEED bread. Ok enough complaining. I am feeling better and that's all that matters although the boys will eat pizza tonight so talk about challenging. Wait, I said enough complaining. Ok I'm done.
25 days to go.
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Paleo Journal Day Three

For several years I have dealt with serious intestinal pain. It wasn't until 2 years ago I even learned of the word gluten and what it was. When I started to read about how it messes up your insides and the side effects I knew I was onto something and started really changing things in the hopes I would feel better. When I was still having issues someone mentioned maybe I was intolerant to lactose so I cut that out too and for about a month off and on I felt better. It wasn't consistent though and I felt frustrated. I began learning that there are gluten/lactose in more things than you realize because they are disguised with all these other technical names so you miss it.
About 3 weeks ago Brian happened on this article about how bad gluten/lactose etc. is so bad for you. DUH! He forwarded me the email stating "I am ready to get gluten out of my diet NOW!!" I was blown away since this is a man who loves anything fast, fried or full of sugar. So go here and read the article. Its full of the why's and all the science you'd ever want. I personally can't read or understand most of that so I just took Brian's word for it. He likes all the educational stuff and loves science and he said it all makes sense to him so together we decided to take the 30 day challenge. Here's the skinny, you can't have anything processed, no refined carbs at all, no sugar unless its stevia or honey, no lactose and no peanuts or legumes of any kind. So, this is a typical day: Breakfast can either be eggs with some deli (the all natural nitrate free kind of course) ham or turkey and avocado. I have a smoothie made with almond butter, strawberries, blackberries, flax seed and a banana. YUM!
For lunch Monday I made chicken fajitas seasoning made from scratch all natural with bell peppers and onions and over a bed of lettuce. No dressing aloud. I tried olive oil and almost threw up. Dinner for me that night was eggs with tomatos and ham.
Last nights dinner was actually not too bad. It was pork loin in the crock pot with cauliflower, and zucchini. I also added steamed green beans and broc. Everyone liked it.
Snacks include plain all natural applesauce, dried fruit, nuts (no peanuts), almond butter with celery or carrot sticks, fruit, and boiled eggs.
So, how have we been feeling? Well, its been rough. Brian and I both had headaches the first 2 days and then this morning I had a hard time leaving the bathroom if you get my drift. But I think things will settle down and once we really get into a routine it will become easier. We aren't tormenting our kids with this same life style except at dinner time.
Anyway, I'll be back in a few days to let you all (all 5 of you) know how we are doing.
Here's to feeling better.