Negativity, Vanity and Day Seven.

Today is the start of day 7! WOW. So do you want the bad or the good news first?

I think the bad. It's nicer to end on a positive note.

Like I said I started this thing very quickly and having educated myself only slightly. Probably not always the best idea. However, as my good friend Julie said "you jumped when God said jump!" and that is the greatest reminder I can have as I go through this. I have no doubt I was supposed to do this, however the internet can be a bad thing just as much as a good one. Last night after reading some negative stuff on the dangers of what I'm doing I got a little nervous and doubted if I'd heard God right. Plus add to that I wasn't feeling well (duh, I'd just gotten off a 13 hour road trip) and my mind began playing tricks on me.

Don't get me wrong here, I believe you should read all kinds of articles and ideas from different sources and should have a balanced view so you can make the right choices. I also believe that when you have several websites (unrelated) saying the same thing thats a good sign. Not to mention but unfortunately there are lots of doc out there who don't want people to believe in stuff like this because it puts them out of a job. That said my own results are already speaking for themselves.

Now for the good news. Well, first of all I made it to day seven!!! Thats huge, for me anyway. I'll be honest here, I'm not feeling on top of the world yet but its been nice not to have any stomach aches for a week. There have been some unpleasant side effects but thats normal when your body is detoxing. I also have to remind myself I didn't get to this point over night so the changes aren't going to happen over night. Patience will be the best virtue I can exercise during this time.

I mentioned in my last post I hadn't told many people but of course once I blogged about it and put it on Facebook I opened myself up to whoever wanted to read me. So far I haven't experienced too much negativity and being that its early days for me thats good.

I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate the positive comments and support. I need them. This is very hard. Take last night. Just getting in after 13 hours on the road and I was a little cranky. My house smelled like burgers just off the grill and there sitting on the table was just that! WOW! I wanted to charge over there and just have one bite. But I didn't, I got out my veggie juice, sat down with Jared and chatted while he ate. At the end of the day I have to keep my eye on the prize, which is health and wellness.

Want some more good news? I've lots 5 pounds and my stomach is shrinking for the first time since having babies. OK, I know what you're thinking...where did you need to lose 5 pounds and what stomach? Yes, I have always been little and no I didn't have an enormous amount of weight to lose however, after having my last 2 babies and 2 c-sections my stomach has been very bloated looking/feeling. (Sorry for the visual) Oh sure I look skinny in clothes but sitting down, I am constantly tucking it in my jeans. Don't judge, I have several friends who do the same.

We all have areas where the weight goes right? Well this is the area mine goes and its not fun. I'm sure part of it also has to do with all my digestive/intestinal issues too.

Yesterday, when I really looked and paid attention I noticed it had shrunk. I couldn't believe it. This is HUGE for me HUGE! Can I say it again? HUGE!!! I never thought my belly fat would go away. I can handle side effects like that.

Now, let me stop here and say something. I love what the scale says and that is great motivation but thats not what this is about. This is not about vanity and looking good. That would be great icing on the cake but that is not the boast here. The boast here is about God and what He is doing. He is here for me everyday, like when I wanted a bite of that burger. When the first half of my 13 hour road trip sucked and I thought if I eat I'll feel better. When I had doubt last night in making this decision in the first place. If it weren't for God in His glory giving me what I need and might I add accepting it from Him I couldn't be doing what I'm doing.

My ultimate goal is to tell others about this and hopefully help them choose health and wellness.

There are several website that have aided in my journey so far. The main one is Hallelujah Acres. These guys are amazing and the information they have on their site is what I will use for my exit plan. (I'll talk about that another day.)

Another great site is All About Juicing. I've found recipes, what to expect when juicing, how to prepare for a juice fast and so much more.

Dr. Joel Fuhrman is the doc from the Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead documentary so I would recommend checking out his site too.

And on an unrelated note, might I add our paperwork is off to our agency for final approval and should be on its way to China in the VERY near future. Big sigh of relief. Once major hurdle jumped.

Thanks for reading, thanks for commenting and thanks for all your encouragement and prayer.

So much to say...

I am not a writer and therefore get completely overwhelmed when it comes to blogging. I allow myself into wrong thinking and comparing to others who write so beautifully and eloquently. I have all these thoughts and feelings, this adoption journey alone is one that could fill these pages endlessly. And yet, I don't. I don't write and I don't document all these things because most of the time I feel completely unable to articulate it just right.

So, here I am home from school co-op with a sick kid attempting to share all the latest news. Hang on this could be long.

Two weeks ago was by far THE worst week our little family has had in quite sometime. I, personally allowed myself to become so upset and frazzled I broke out in a rash. Pathetic huh?

I have allowed God to carry all my worries and cares for months. Casting my cares because He cares for me and guess what? Its been pretty easy. His word is so true. But last week I just lost it. Now bear with me for a minute because for those not on the adoption journey it can be hard to understand.

We have been on a paperwork run for over a year now. Just when you think there is light at the end of the tunnel some government agency is there to assure you you are wrong in your thinking and here is some more paperwork to prove they are in control. We are in the last stages of our paperwork and are so close to our dossier being sent to China. We can taste the victory. Well, China likes victories too and I feel they relish in their control. I don't know this for sure but based on the way they change their rules whenever they feel like it I think I'm right.

One of their newest changes, at least to my knowledge is they no longer accept any paperwork over 6 months old.

So, let me back up. The last stage before all our dossier info gets sent to our agency so our agency can send it to China is for it to go through the authentication process in DC and then over to the Chinese Consulate. This has to be couriered from one place to the next. We found a company that does this called The Assistant Stork. Amazing people and highly recommended. They sent us paperwork (haha) to fill out and as I'm filling it out I notice the top in big bold letters.

CHINA NO LONGER ACCEPTS PAPERWORK OLDER THAN 6 MONTHS.

I stop writing. I'm sure I knew this, I 'm sure I received an email from our agency with this exact information. But until you are at that exact stage you read it and move on.

I read it to Brian and asked him to look through our paperwork quick before I write one more letter. Sure enough we have 2 documents out of date, not too bad you think. Except that one of those docs is my Canadian birth certificate which took me 8 weeks to receive the first time around. All I can think is another 2 month delay?!? I drop the pen and can no longer contain the tears. They fall and I sob. I can no longer pretend this is OK. Its not. Why, I cry is it this hard to do something so good. Why does it matter that my birth certificate is 6 months and 2 weeks old? The sad part is, no one can answer these questions for me. IT IS WHAT IT IS!!!!

I leave Brian's office defeated and questioning if adoption is for us. I go back to home school co-op and receive some much needed encouragement from my friends.

An hour or so has passed and I'm fine again when Brian comes running over telling me that no he hasn't fixed the birth cert thing but he has found a way to stop the clock on all the other pieces of paperwork that will expire in less than 3 weeks. So, we drop about a grand for all the extra fees but are assured there is a guaranteed 5 day turn around for the rest of the paper work to be stamped authenticated by the Chinese Consulate.

I can now tell you, I just heard from the Assistant Stork 3 days ago and all is well minus the last 2 pieces of paperwork which we are working on. And incidentally Canada is working with us and I should be receiving my birth cert by the end of this week.

The above was just one Tuesday morning. Now for Tuesday afternoon.

We returned home from home school co-op to find Jewel (our 92lb great dane) had gotten out of her crate and had peed over half my bed causing $300 of damage. The only thing that had saved my mattress was the 2 1/2 inch foam topper we had on there. But everything else was ruined. It was awful and the sad realization that had already begun to plague me a couple of weeks before was clearly apparent. She needed a family that could be home for her more than we could thus began my crying all afternoon about that. Jayden was heartbroken as was I but as I've always maintained: you don't have a dog just because you can. You have a dog because you can give it the love, care and attention it deserves. Thankfully, even as heart broken as Jayden was he really did understand that. We placed an ad on Craigslist for her and before the day was over had 30 inquires for her. It was a stressful thought giving her to another family. I wanted someone for her that would give her what we couldn't. So, I prayed and I cast my cares. I knew God cared about this and I knew He would take care of it. And He did. By Friday afternoon we were meeting her new family. A stay at home mom with a 2 and a half year old who had been looking for a dane for their 12 year old dog and because she was home alone a lot due to the fact her husband was in the service. She's been gone a week and a half but have received pics and updates. Its definitely quieter around here but we feel good that we made a good decision in her best interest.

I just want to take a minute (not that this is academy award worthy or anything) to thank some people who were there for us that week.

Laurie, your words of encouragement were invaluable not to mention your help painting. I appreciate your friendship more than I will ever be able to express.

Kim and April, thanks for the hugs and words of encouragement.

Anyone I texted regarding the adoption stuff. Most likely Tracy although I'm really not sure because the week was a blur. ;0)

Most of all my amazing hubby. He has tirelessly worked on this paperwork and been a rock when I feel like we're sinking. There will never be enough words to show my appreciation.

Our baby girl is coming home. God is SO in control and so much bigger than any paperwork issues we could ever encounter. I would like to say I never forgot that during my epic melt down, I just had a moment. I love that God understands my humaness and loves me anyway.

I just know that He will use us to be an encouragement for others on their journey's.

And just one more thing. This past couple weeks has been really exciting because the 2 families we met at adoption class a year ago have positive news! Mollie and Reade just brought home their little boy Aaron from China and Tracy and Jason leave the 27th to meet their little boy J for the first time. God is so good and the best part about this whole thing has been meeting these precious families, getting to know them, praying for them and watching God do His thing is their lives.

Thanks for reading and thanks for the support.

Ps. 68:5-6

Father to the fatherless, defender of widows-
this is God, whose dwelling is holy.
God places the lonely in families;
he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy.

Galatians 4:4-6

But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law. God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children. And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, "Abba, Father."

Romans 8:14-16

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God's Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, "Abba, Father."For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God's children.

Papa's 80th.

At the beginning of Feb I was blessed to be able to go and celebrate my Grandfather's 80th birthday in St. Louis.

My papa has always been a sort of hero in my life. My memories of him are nothing but positive. I remember how much he has always loved me and although he isn't perfect, when we would visit him he gave us his time and his ear.

This past visit was no different. I have been so thankful to get closer to him as a result of our adoption and I am so proud of all he has done to help bring home close to 8,000 children to their forever families through his agency Children's Hope International.

I love you Papa, thank you for being you! Hope you enjoy the slide show.

Personalize a photo album

National Adoption Month.

November is National Adoption Month which I know is so close to the holidays but there is so much you can do for so little.

It just takes a little sacrifice.

The agency we are using, Children's Hope International has a catalog available online which gives lots of inexpensive ideas to help an orphan.

Please take a moment to click on the link and look through the online catalog and consider helping some orphans in need or at least take some time to look through the website and pray for these kids.

Thanks. Happy Thanksgiving.

Thoughts

Since being on this journey called adoption there have been more thoughts than normal running around in my head.

In the beginning when we first felt called to adopt it was, is this really God's will? How could not be God's will? How will we afford it? How hard will it be? How long is it gonna take?

Then everything was on hold my thoughts moved to, maybe this isn't what we are supposed to do. Maybe we heard God wrong. We have so much debt there is no way we can ever do this. I guess the dream is dead.

Three more years passed coupled with lots of moving, uncertainty and certainly hundreds more questions. Then the thoughts went like this. Are we too old for this? My heart yearns for a little girl I've never even met, how is that possible? I know we are supposed to do this, how are we ever going to afford it.

Then one day, we just knew it was time to start so we jumped in with both feet.

Here we are 8 months in and today we just got home from Raleigh after we had our biometrics appointment.

Here are some of the thoughts I have these days, I wonder how many more times I'll clean this bathroom before I bring Grace home.

What are going to be the issues we deal with? I am gonna love having a little girl. I am gonna hate having a little girl. What if I can't do it? Why does everyone else make this adoption process look so easy?

And finally when I come to the end of myself I return to His feet, sigh real big and say Thank you Jesus I can rest in you because you have all this in the palm of your hands.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

The King James version says I know the THOUGHTS I think towards you...

What a precious thing. We may have thousands of thoughts, some good, some not so good but all of His thoughts are for good and not evil.

His plans aren't just for this little girl waiting in China somewhere for her forever family. They are also for the forever family who have moments when they cry in frustration because the process can be so long. I am so thankful for the God I serve who loves me despite all my crazy thoughts and who has seen the end already and is carrying us through all of it.

A Make Over!

Everything and everyone I think, needs a make over from time to time.

This blog was no exception.

So, a few weeks ago I contacted the creative forces that be and asked for a remodel and once again she has delivered.

Its just in time too.

We have entered a new phase of this journey.

We feel closer than ever and its scary as it is exciting.

Thursday we spent more than 2 hours looking through the database of girls alone who are waiting for forever families. There were over 456 ranging in age from 0-18. There were only about 80 in our age range which is 2-3, however just going through these files was the most heart wrenching thing we have ever done.

How do you look past the faces, disabled or not and not long to scoop them up and just love them? It was so hard. Some of them have such severe disabilities you wonder if they will be stuck there forever. I literally felt physically sick.

But in the end we had to look at the special needs we felt capable of handling and we chose 6 girls to look at in more depth.

So now what you might ask? Well, we take these files to a pediatrician and ask every question we can think of that pertains to their needs.

And then, we make a choice. And the truth is, she may not be one of these 6. And guess what? We're OK with that. We know God already has our daughter in the palm of His hand and His timing will the THE timing so we will rest as we go through these files. Its a beautiful thing.

As for paperwork, we are working on the dossier, have our biometrics appointment in November and my passport is going to arrive hopefully in the next 2 weeks or so.

Since these past 3 weeks have been filled with wedding stuff (I was matron of honor) its nice to have all my focus back where I feel it belongs.

Once again, thank you for riding this wave with us and please pray specifically for God's will as we go through these files.

Blessings.

Homestudy APPROVED!!!!

Need I say more?

Next steps?

USCIS Application to be submitted and all the dossier work begins.

Prayer is appreciated for these next steps to go a little more smoothly than the homestudy did.

Thanks!!!

This Hurricane...called Life

Irene decided to pay us all a visit this past weekend and I have to say, after living in Oklahoma for 12 years I prefer tornado's. Admittedly, tornados are much less predictable than hurricanes but in my experience at least they are much shorter lived.

The rain started here where we live at about 5pm Friday evening and didn't stop until Saturday around 10pm. The wind which was up to at least 60 miles per hour began at about 3am or at least thats when Brian and I awoke to some major dripping. We began laying as many towels as we could along our front windows to try and absorb some of the water.

By 6:45am we quickly learned it was a futile attempt. Still we worked hard to contain the water. We placed buckets and cups in as many strategic places as possible in order to keep the floor from getting more wet. We dried towels in the dryer then replaced the soaked ones but that only lasted until 9am when the power went out. After that, it went downhill fast.

We quickly learned Jayden's doors in his room were no match for the wind and rain and about 1/4 of his room flooded. Our room also was in big trouble and 1/2 of it flooded spreading into our bathroom. We moved beds to the middle of said rooms and waited it out.

The only time I felt myself losing it was when my bedroom ceiling began to leak which I can only attribute to all the missing shingles.

Once our power went out we had no way of knowing how the storm was moving or how much longer we would have to put up with it but luckily I have a grandmother in OK who has Fox News on constantly so I would get updates as often as my phone would allow them through. Thank you Grammy.

We played games, I learned poker, we read, took naps and tried to ignore the constant pouring in of water in 3 of our rooms.

Our front door got so wet it no longer opens and closes without a 200lb weight of force.

Our laminate flooring has all buckled and both carpets are saturated and rooms a wreck!

Thankfully Sunday our friends, who had their power restored loaned us their generator and dehumidifier to at least begin the drying process.

We became painfully aware of just how much this was all going to cost and how adoption money would have to be dipped into but you know what...?

We are alive, we are safe and our house is basically still in tact. We are able bodied people with the ability and means to take care of the mess and its all just "stuff" anyway. I am thankful beyond words for all the generosity of others especially the hot meal last night from David and Anna.

So, last night we are sitting in our living room and its 89 degrees, Brian and I are passing the time watching a movie on the laptop and suddenly a flicker. Was it?? Yes it was!!!! Lights, camera ACTION!!! We had power. And it was a beautiful thing. We were smiling and laughing and hugging each other. It was like a scene from a movie. We were all so thankful.

Today begins more of the clean up and hopefully good news from the insurance company. I hope and pray we never have to go through another hurricane but I am thankful for the experience. It has once again reminded me just how good we have it and how we are surrounded by an amazing community of people who love us!

Please continue to pray with us for the rest of the people hit by this hurricane who continue to be without power and who have sustained worse damage than us. Thanks!

Here are some pics of our little adventure and some I took on our way to church yesterday.

Be blessed, I am!

This photo album made with Smilebox

He is GOOD!!!!

I absolutely love this song and its one I sing to remind myself how good my God is.

I told someone this morning that we must be on the right path with this adoption because we have been met with so much resistance. Yet again there is a small delay but my God is LARGE and in charge and HIS timing is THE timing.

Despite the set backs I get excited as I allow myself to just rest. To be still. To know He is in control and to pray for His will, not my own.

Thank you Jesus for being so good to us and for your goodness in this whole situation.

Where we are and how we are...This ones for you Mollie.

I had a friend ask me recently where we are in our process and how we are doing. Thanks to Mollie, I am taking a moment to blog which I realize I haven't been very good at lately.

We have had a few ups and downs in the last 4 weeks and a glitch or two which were really upsetting. In fact, we had to wait about 2 weeks while the agencies involved decided if we could even continue our journey. I am not going to post those details however if you ask me in person I will happily share them with you. In fact as this goes along and we meet more and more people going through this process we will be able to encourage others because of what happened with us.

In the beginning of this wait period I was beside myself as was Brian. But then I was quickly reminded Who was in control and Who planted this in our hearts and I rested. Now this didn't mean that I didn't think about it daily or ask Brian if they had called yet but I had full confidence in knowing it was out of my hands and I could rest in the One Who held it.

It was interesting too, because one of my best friends asked me if I was going to call and defend myself to one of the board members of our adoption agency because we are related and I said "No, God is my defender" and I meant every word and had full confidence that no matter how things looked God knows our hearts. 1 Samuel 16:7

While on vacation last week word came back YES! You are fine, here's what you need to do...etc.

So, to the question where we are? We are still gathering some more paperwork needed to complete our home study and should be setting a date for our final interview with our social worker hopefully by the end of June. YAY!!!

How we are? We are amazing! Yes, we had a couple of melt downs but I can honestly say after crying for about 10 minutes I placed it in God's very capable hands and rested in His promises.

I sent out a text to my friend Tracy whom I met at adoption class to pray and she did. (I don't have your number Mollie or you would have gotten one too)

I leaned on several amazing friends here who are huge support to us and just prayed.

It did serve to remind me that you cannot do this alone. Support is everything and knowing others who are going through it is also a huge plus because they understand every step and know how crazy it can be.

Thank you thank you thank you for all your prayers and support. Please keep them coming because we are long way from being finished but we know we are on God's timetable, not our own and that gives us even more peace while on this journey.

Blessings!