So much to say...

I am not a writer and therefore get completely overwhelmed when it comes to blogging. I allow myself into wrong thinking and comparing to others who write so beautifully and eloquently. I have all these thoughts and feelings, this adoption journey alone is one that could fill these pages endlessly. And yet, I don't. I don't write and I don't document all these things because most of the time I feel completely unable to articulate it just right.

So, here I am home from school co-op with a sick kid attempting to share all the latest news. Hang on this could be long.

Two weeks ago was by far THE worst week our little family has had in quite sometime. I, personally allowed myself to become so upset and frazzled I broke out in a rash. Pathetic huh?

I have allowed God to carry all my worries and cares for months. Casting my cares because He cares for me and guess what? Its been pretty easy. His word is so true. But last week I just lost it. Now bear with me for a minute because for those not on the adoption journey it can be hard to understand.

We have been on a paperwork run for over a year now. Just when you think there is light at the end of the tunnel some government agency is there to assure you you are wrong in your thinking and here is some more paperwork to prove they are in control. We are in the last stages of our paperwork and are so close to our dossier being sent to China. We can taste the victory. Well, China likes victories too and I feel they relish in their control. I don't know this for sure but based on the way they change their rules whenever they feel like it I think I'm right.

One of their newest changes, at least to my knowledge is they no longer accept any paperwork over 6 months old.

So, let me back up. The last stage before all our dossier info gets sent to our agency so our agency can send it to China is for it to go through the authentication process in DC and then over to the Chinese Consulate. This has to be couriered from one place to the next. We found a company that does this called The Assistant Stork. Amazing people and highly recommended. They sent us paperwork (haha) to fill out and as I'm filling it out I notice the top in big bold letters.

CHINA NO LONGER ACCEPTS PAPERWORK OLDER THAN 6 MONTHS.

I stop writing. I'm sure I knew this, I 'm sure I received an email from our agency with this exact information. But until you are at that exact stage you read it and move on.

I read it to Brian and asked him to look through our paperwork quick before I write one more letter. Sure enough we have 2 documents out of date, not too bad you think. Except that one of those docs is my Canadian birth certificate which took me 8 weeks to receive the first time around. All I can think is another 2 month delay?!? I drop the pen and can no longer contain the tears. They fall and I sob. I can no longer pretend this is OK. Its not. Why, I cry is it this hard to do something so good. Why does it matter that my birth certificate is 6 months and 2 weeks old? The sad part is, no one can answer these questions for me. IT IS WHAT IT IS!!!!

I leave Brian's office defeated and questioning if adoption is for us. I go back to home school co-op and receive some much needed encouragement from my friends.

An hour or so has passed and I'm fine again when Brian comes running over telling me that no he hasn't fixed the birth cert thing but he has found a way to stop the clock on all the other pieces of paperwork that will expire in less than 3 weeks. So, we drop about a grand for all the extra fees but are assured there is a guaranteed 5 day turn around for the rest of the paper work to be stamped authenticated by the Chinese Consulate.

I can now tell you, I just heard from the Assistant Stork 3 days ago and all is well minus the last 2 pieces of paperwork which we are working on. And incidentally Canada is working with us and I should be receiving my birth cert by the end of this week.

The above was just one Tuesday morning. Now for Tuesday afternoon.

We returned home from home school co-op to find Jewel (our 92lb great dane) had gotten out of her crate and had peed over half my bed causing $300 of damage. The only thing that had saved my mattress was the 2 1/2 inch foam topper we had on there. But everything else was ruined. It was awful and the sad realization that had already begun to plague me a couple of weeks before was clearly apparent. She needed a family that could be home for her more than we could thus began my crying all afternoon about that. Jayden was heartbroken as was I but as I've always maintained: you don't have a dog just because you can. You have a dog because you can give it the love, care and attention it deserves. Thankfully, even as heart broken as Jayden was he really did understand that. We placed an ad on Craigslist for her and before the day was over had 30 inquires for her. It was a stressful thought giving her to another family. I wanted someone for her that would give her what we couldn't. So, I prayed and I cast my cares. I knew God cared about this and I knew He would take care of it. And He did. By Friday afternoon we were meeting her new family. A stay at home mom with a 2 and a half year old who had been looking for a dane for their 12 year old dog and because she was home alone a lot due to the fact her husband was in the service. She's been gone a week and a half but have received pics and updates. Its definitely quieter around here but we feel good that we made a good decision in her best interest.

I just want to take a minute (not that this is academy award worthy or anything) to thank some people who were there for us that week.

Laurie, your words of encouragement were invaluable not to mention your help painting. I appreciate your friendship more than I will ever be able to express.

Kim and April, thanks for the hugs and words of encouragement.

Anyone I texted regarding the adoption stuff. Most likely Tracy although I'm really not sure because the week was a blur. ;0)

Most of all my amazing hubby. He has tirelessly worked on this paperwork and been a rock when I feel like we're sinking. There will never be enough words to show my appreciation.

Our baby girl is coming home. God is SO in control and so much bigger than any paperwork issues we could ever encounter. I would like to say I never forgot that during my epic melt down, I just had a moment. I love that God understands my humaness and loves me anyway.

I just know that He will use us to be an encouragement for others on their journey's.

And just one more thing. This past couple weeks has been really exciting because the 2 families we met at adoption class a year ago have positive news! Mollie and Reade just brought home their little boy Aaron from China and Tracy and Jason leave the 27th to meet their little boy J for the first time. God is so good and the best part about this whole thing has been meeting these precious families, getting to know them, praying for them and watching God do His thing is their lives.

Thanks for reading and thanks for the support.

Ps. 68:5-6

Father to the fatherless, defender of widows-
this is God, whose dwelling is holy.
God places the lonely in families;
he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy.

Galatians 4:4-6

But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law. God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children. And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, "Abba, Father."

Romans 8:14-16

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God's Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, "Abba, Father."For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God's children.

This Hurricane...called Life

Irene decided to pay us all a visit this past weekend and I have to say, after living in Oklahoma for 12 years I prefer tornado's. Admittedly, tornados are much less predictable than hurricanes but in my experience at least they are much shorter lived.

The rain started here where we live at about 5pm Friday evening and didn't stop until Saturday around 10pm. The wind which was up to at least 60 miles per hour began at about 3am or at least thats when Brian and I awoke to some major dripping. We began laying as many towels as we could along our front windows to try and absorb some of the water.

By 6:45am we quickly learned it was a futile attempt. Still we worked hard to contain the water. We placed buckets and cups in as many strategic places as possible in order to keep the floor from getting more wet. We dried towels in the dryer then replaced the soaked ones but that only lasted until 9am when the power went out. After that, it went downhill fast.

We quickly learned Jayden's doors in his room were no match for the wind and rain and about 1/4 of his room flooded. Our room also was in big trouble and 1/2 of it flooded spreading into our bathroom. We moved beds to the middle of said rooms and waited it out.

The only time I felt myself losing it was when my bedroom ceiling began to leak which I can only attribute to all the missing shingles.

Once our power went out we had no way of knowing how the storm was moving or how much longer we would have to put up with it but luckily I have a grandmother in OK who has Fox News on constantly so I would get updates as often as my phone would allow them through. Thank you Grammy.

We played games, I learned poker, we read, took naps and tried to ignore the constant pouring in of water in 3 of our rooms.

Our front door got so wet it no longer opens and closes without a 200lb weight of force.

Our laminate flooring has all buckled and both carpets are saturated and rooms a wreck!

Thankfully Sunday our friends, who had their power restored loaned us their generator and dehumidifier to at least begin the drying process.

We became painfully aware of just how much this was all going to cost and how adoption money would have to be dipped into but you know what...?

We are alive, we are safe and our house is basically still in tact. We are able bodied people with the ability and means to take care of the mess and its all just "stuff" anyway. I am thankful beyond words for all the generosity of others especially the hot meal last night from David and Anna.

So, last night we are sitting in our living room and its 89 degrees, Brian and I are passing the time watching a movie on the laptop and suddenly a flicker. Was it?? Yes it was!!!! Lights, camera ACTION!!! We had power. And it was a beautiful thing. We were smiling and laughing and hugging each other. It was like a scene from a movie. We were all so thankful.

Today begins more of the clean up and hopefully good news from the insurance company. I hope and pray we never have to go through another hurricane but I am thankful for the experience. It has once again reminded me just how good we have it and how we are surrounded by an amazing community of people who love us!

Please continue to pray with us for the rest of the people hit by this hurricane who continue to be without power and who have sustained worse damage than us. Thanks!

Here are some pics of our little adventure and some I took on our way to church yesterday.

Be blessed, I am!

This photo album made with Smilebox

Thankfulness: It's an attitude

Lately I find my youngest constantly complaining about everything. It doesn't matter what it is, he finds a reason to complain. My standard response lately has been "Wow,it's never enough is it?" I wonder as I utter those words and even now as I write this does God feel this way? Do the lives we live out before Him and before others in our so-called Christian life scream out I want more, this isn't enough!! I have to ask myself what example have I set for my son and others that shows there is reason to complain. Because the truth is, there is nothing I or anyone anywhere in America has anything to complain about. But our pathetic culture has told us we do. We are bombarded daily with the subtle reminders of all we are missing in our lives. That if we buy into the lie it will make things complete and we will finally have peace.
But I have found the truth, thankfully! The truth is Gods rest is all I need. The peace that comes with knowing all I am and all I'll ever be is wrapped up in Him. That He holds me in the palm of His hand and true rest is found in knowing I have no control because He has all of it and He will never leave me.
Now, if I can only convey this to my son.
Try an attitude of thankfulness, you have nothing to lose and there is so much to be thankful for!

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