So much to say...

I am not a writer and therefore get completely overwhelmed when it comes to blogging. I allow myself into wrong thinking and comparing to others who write so beautifully and eloquently. I have all these thoughts and feelings, this adoption journey alone is one that could fill these pages endlessly. And yet, I don't. I don't write and I don't document all these things because most of the time I feel completely unable to articulate it just right.

So, here I am home from school co-op with a sick kid attempting to share all the latest news. Hang on this could be long.

Two weeks ago was by far THE worst week our little family has had in quite sometime. I, personally allowed myself to become so upset and frazzled I broke out in a rash. Pathetic huh?

I have allowed God to carry all my worries and cares for months. Casting my cares because He cares for me and guess what? Its been pretty easy. His word is so true. But last week I just lost it. Now bear with me for a minute because for those not on the adoption journey it can be hard to understand.

We have been on a paperwork run for over a year now. Just when you think there is light at the end of the tunnel some government agency is there to assure you you are wrong in your thinking and here is some more paperwork to prove they are in control. We are in the last stages of our paperwork and are so close to our dossier being sent to China. We can taste the victory. Well, China likes victories too and I feel they relish in their control. I don't know this for sure but based on the way they change their rules whenever they feel like it I think I'm right.

One of their newest changes, at least to my knowledge is they no longer accept any paperwork over 6 months old.

So, let me back up. The last stage before all our dossier info gets sent to our agency so our agency can send it to China is for it to go through the authentication process in DC and then over to the Chinese Consulate. This has to be couriered from one place to the next. We found a company that does this called The Assistant Stork. Amazing people and highly recommended. They sent us paperwork (haha) to fill out and as I'm filling it out I notice the top in big bold letters.

CHINA NO LONGER ACCEPTS PAPERWORK OLDER THAN 6 MONTHS.

I stop writing. I'm sure I knew this, I 'm sure I received an email from our agency with this exact information. But until you are at that exact stage you read it and move on.

I read it to Brian and asked him to look through our paperwork quick before I write one more letter. Sure enough we have 2 documents out of date, not too bad you think. Except that one of those docs is my Canadian birth certificate which took me 8 weeks to receive the first time around. All I can think is another 2 month delay?!? I drop the pen and can no longer contain the tears. They fall and I sob. I can no longer pretend this is OK. Its not. Why, I cry is it this hard to do something so good. Why does it matter that my birth certificate is 6 months and 2 weeks old? The sad part is, no one can answer these questions for me. IT IS WHAT IT IS!!!!

I leave Brian's office defeated and questioning if adoption is for us. I go back to home school co-op and receive some much needed encouragement from my friends.

An hour or so has passed and I'm fine again when Brian comes running over telling me that no he hasn't fixed the birth cert thing but he has found a way to stop the clock on all the other pieces of paperwork that will expire in less than 3 weeks. So, we drop about a grand for all the extra fees but are assured there is a guaranteed 5 day turn around for the rest of the paper work to be stamped authenticated by the Chinese Consulate.

I can now tell you, I just heard from the Assistant Stork 3 days ago and all is well minus the last 2 pieces of paperwork which we are working on. And incidentally Canada is working with us and I should be receiving my birth cert by the end of this week.

The above was just one Tuesday morning. Now for Tuesday afternoon.

We returned home from home school co-op to find Jewel (our 92lb great dane) had gotten out of her crate and had peed over half my bed causing $300 of damage. The only thing that had saved my mattress was the 2 1/2 inch foam topper we had on there. But everything else was ruined. It was awful and the sad realization that had already begun to plague me a couple of weeks before was clearly apparent. She needed a family that could be home for her more than we could thus began my crying all afternoon about that. Jayden was heartbroken as was I but as I've always maintained: you don't have a dog just because you can. You have a dog because you can give it the love, care and attention it deserves. Thankfully, even as heart broken as Jayden was he really did understand that. We placed an ad on Craigslist for her and before the day was over had 30 inquires for her. It was a stressful thought giving her to another family. I wanted someone for her that would give her what we couldn't. So, I prayed and I cast my cares. I knew God cared about this and I knew He would take care of it. And He did. By Friday afternoon we were meeting her new family. A stay at home mom with a 2 and a half year old who had been looking for a dane for their 12 year old dog and because she was home alone a lot due to the fact her husband was in the service. She's been gone a week and a half but have received pics and updates. Its definitely quieter around here but we feel good that we made a good decision in her best interest.

I just want to take a minute (not that this is academy award worthy or anything) to thank some people who were there for us that week.

Laurie, your words of encouragement were invaluable not to mention your help painting. I appreciate your friendship more than I will ever be able to express.

Kim and April, thanks for the hugs and words of encouragement.

Anyone I texted regarding the adoption stuff. Most likely Tracy although I'm really not sure because the week was a blur. ;0)

Most of all my amazing hubby. He has tirelessly worked on this paperwork and been a rock when I feel like we're sinking. There will never be enough words to show my appreciation.

Our baby girl is coming home. God is SO in control and so much bigger than any paperwork issues we could ever encounter. I would like to say I never forgot that during my epic melt down, I just had a moment. I love that God understands my humaness and loves me anyway.

I just know that He will use us to be an encouragement for others on their journey's.

And just one more thing. This past couple weeks has been really exciting because the 2 families we met at adoption class a year ago have positive news! Mollie and Reade just brought home their little boy Aaron from China and Tracy and Jason leave the 27th to meet their little boy J for the first time. God is so good and the best part about this whole thing has been meeting these precious families, getting to know them, praying for them and watching God do His thing is their lives.

Thanks for reading and thanks for the support.

Ps. 68:5-6

Father to the fatherless, defender of widows-
this is God, whose dwelling is holy.
God places the lonely in families;
he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy.

Galatians 4:4-6

But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law. God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children. And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, "Abba, Father."

Romans 8:14-16

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God's Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, "Abba, Father."For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God's children.

STAND!!

EPHESIANS 6:10-17

10 A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. ¹² For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

¹³ Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. ¹⁴ Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. ¹⁵ For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. ¹⁶ In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. ¹⁷ Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

There are times in life when you feel like you have been knocked down.

There is no more wind in your sails or breath in your lungs.

In the moment it feels sad and hopeless.

There is an overwhelming sense of failure and defeat.

All of life seems to be closing in or crashing down around you.

This is when you STAND.

You stand firm knowing that God is there in your midst and sees all the tears you cry.

You stand firm knowing that God has not left you now and will not leave you in the future.

You stand firm knowing that He has set your feet on a rock. And that rock is HIM.

You stand firm knowing that whatever trial or test you are going through, if you let Him, His glory will be revealed.

You stand firm knowing that the peace which passes all understanding will walk with you through this and will never fail you.

You stand firm knowing He loves you, gave His life for you and now intercedes for you as He sits at the right hand of the Father.

This is how to stand and this is how I am standing today!

Thank you Jesus.

Psalm 59:9-11

You are my strength; I wait for you to rescue me,
for you, O God, are my fortress.
¹⁰ In his unfailing love, my God will stand with me.
He will let me look down in triumph on all my enemies.

¹¹ Don’t kill them, for my people soon forget such lessons;
stagger them with your power, and bring them to their knees,
O Lord our shield.

Psalm 119:89-90

⁸⁹ Your eternal word, O Lord,
stands firm in heaven.
⁹⁰ Your faithfulness extends to every generation,
as enduring as the earth you created.

Choose this day

My friend Shirley, over at Thinking Out Loud inspired me to write this:
Joshua 24
The people were being challenged by Joshua to choose, if serving THE God wasn't something they desired then they should choose a god. Maybe one their forefathers worshiped or the gods of the land they were currently living and then Joshua declared "But me and my family, we will serve THE GOD!!" How often do children ride on their parents' faith? I've done it and seen it. The parents responsibility is to live their relationship with Jesus out loud all the while encouraging their children to seek Him for themselves. The younger you can encourage this the better. My children cannot have a relationship with God through me just like I can't have a relationship with God through my pastor or b/c I go to church every week. Authentic relationship with the Father requires digging into His word and seeking His truth for your life. James 1:5 says If any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of the giving God [Who gives] to everyone liberally and ungrudgingly, without reproaching or faultfinding, and it will be given him.
He will give it, but will you take it?
It requires submitting when He convicts your spirit. You can't say you want God's truth in your life yet refuse to submit. Or think that can't be for me. I've had countless conversations with Him when He has convicted me. Why do I have to give up this or that? Why? Because it hinders you being closer to me. It hinders you being all that you can be spiritually. It leads to more temptation which, when given in to leads to more guilt and shame. You risk becoming de-sensitized to all the things the world says are OK. I want to be all I can for Christ. I want to be what John 15 talks about with the Vine and the branches. I want Jesus to remain in me. I am convinced I can do nothing apart from Him so if that means cutting things off that distract or take away from all I can be then let the pruning begin even if that means I'm a little uncomfortable and a little different according to what the world (even the Christian world) says. As Craig Groeschel often says "I'd rather be considered weird b/c normal is what everyone else is doing and I don't want to look like everyone else."