Waiting with baited breath...NO MORE!

Last week, I hit a wall. The 90 days waiting for our LOA (letter of acceptance) was up Monday the 18th. There was no more patience, there was no more grace, there was no more tolerance. I was done! I was cooked! I needed it to be time and it wasn't and I wanted to scream. For some reason it seemed like I was asked more than usual when we were getting our daughter. I wanted to hide. I wanted to stomp my feet like a 5 year old and have a little fit. And the truth is I kind of did in my own quiet little way. I say quiet, minus the public outcry on Facebook. 

There were a lot of things about last week that were pretty terrible. A lot of things besides the LOA not coming that were completely out of my control. A lot of things that broke my heart and even though I did my best to make things right, make things better it just wasn't happening. There was a lot of brokenness last week. But God. Oh God, oh how He is truth and He is goodness in the midst of chaos and turmoil. Oh how I love my God. I immersed myself in His word and that peace that passes all understanding just flowed into my heart and mind and stilled me. He rocked me like a mother rocks her newborn. He calmed my stormy sea. And I rested. And then I chose patience once again because after all I can't control any of it so why torment myself. I felt so good about this decision and wondered why it took me so long to reach it. But anyway...

This morning found me in bed battling an ice pick headache. Have you heard of those? They are debilitating. It literally feels as if someone is driving ice picks into your head usually behind your eyes which makes it hard to see when you're in the middle of one. So between sleeping and being awake my phone vibrated letting me know I had an email. It was from Kristen (agency chick), she was sending us updated pics of Jenna Grace. I wasn't even excited, how sad is that? Then when I saw the actual pictures my heart ached all the more. She looked miserable. I mean, straight up I want my mom miserable. Plus they clearly just cut all of her hair off super short so she looked like a boy. Nothing a cute bow or headband won't fix but I just wanted to reach through the phone and scoop her up and squeeze her tight!
I finally started feeling better later in the afternoon and headed to shower, I figured I needed to look somewhat decent for marriage study later that evening. As I headed back out of the bathroom after blow drying my hair I saw the phone flashing and then went off. I had missed a call and swore I saw the 541 area code that is OREGON... Was it? I raced over there and sure enough. I knew she would be leaving a message but I didn't care, I called back right away. Kristen? Its Rachel...CONGRATULATIONS! YOUR LOA CAME TODAY! I COULDN'T WAIT TO TELL YOU! 
I started to weep and at that point we continued to talk but I don't think I took in one more thing except that we would most likely travel June 14th. We had a date. I began texting everyone I could think of. I figured all of these people had walked this very long road with us and they did not deserve to hear it on Facebook. Almost all of them text me back weeping right along with me. It was precious. I was moved. This journey has been so long, so exhausting yet we have been so supported. So loved. This little girl will be so loved. 

So, June. June 14th will be here in less than 3 months. It doesn't seem that far away anymore considering all that has to be done in that time. So, I choose. Choose to rest in Him. Choose to be still while he leads and guides us through this last leg (last trimester if you will) of this most amazing journey. This would normally be a time where I would fret the most. So much to be done, not to mention just the idea of a 20+ hour travel time most of which will be spent in airplanes and I hate to fly more than anything else in the world. But I won't do that. I will not fret. I will enjoy the next three months. I will relish in all the preparations for our precious girl. Everyday is a gift to be enjoyed because it was given by a Creator who loves us and gave Himself up for us. Therefore I need to live as unto Him to bring Him all the Glory He deserves. 

Blessings to you, thanks for being part of this. And please don't stop praying, now is when we need it the most! 

Waiting with baited breath...

Chinese New Year has been over for about a week and a half. That means its been business as usual for that long. I don't think its possible to check my email any more times in a day than I do right now. And yet, I will check. And check again and wait and wonder and HOPE!
Today, finally, the phone rang and the caller ID showed Eugene, OR. Was it? No, but I was still thrilled to hear Kristen's voice on the other end. Allow me to introduce (sort of) you to this precious young woman. She is our life line to China and our daughter. When we first switched agency's and the director, Beth was explaining who everyone was in her office she mentioned Kristen. Well, we have been speaking with her ever since and its been a pleasure every single time! She is patient and kind and I'm sure I exasperate her with my questions yet she never ever causes me to feel as if I am wasting her time or annoying her. Now, this doesn't mean she doesn't get off of the phone and think "thank goodness!" but thats besides the point. :0) She has been the biggest blessing to Brian and me and I thank God for her. I truly hope to one day take our daughter to meet her and say thank you in person. Now, about the phone call. Kristen explained that no she wasn't able to tell us our LOA (letter of acceptance) had come in but she was able to say they had told her there were no problems with it and it was pretty much guaranteed to come in with the next batch. Whew that was a long sentence, sorry.
And then I pretty much hammered her with every other question I could think of just because talking to her is like talking to a friend and somehow it makes me feel closer to my daughter.

Adoption update done, so how about a family update. All is well and super busy here at the country bunker.
Jackson's basketball team won the league championship for the third year in a row. WOO-HOO! That was awesome. It was particularly amazing because they had been the underdogs for the majority of the season, so to come back and win it made the victory that much sweeter.

Jayden is busy practicing for his first musical, third production in all, in our local theater. The Little Mermaid. He is the first mate. He has several lines and I'm curious to see how they are going to make it the stage look water-like.

Jared has been out on his own for 2 months and is doing great! Sadly, I don't see him that often but he texts/calls me a couple of times a week and I get to catch up that way. Its definitely a different dynamic now that he no longer lives with us. It isn't that you ever stop being a parent but theres a shift. I can't even really describe it. I guess that explains why there are no books/manuals about this sort of thing. Its something you just have to go through.

B and I have been going at break neck speed. There has been something every single weekend for over a month now, not to mention all the week day stuff and it doesn't look to slow down until the end of March. Part of me is glad about it, the other part of me is exhausted. I am glad, for obvious reasons. The busier I am, the less I think about the time dragging on with no update. However, after saying all of that I am looking forward to April being slower.
And speaking of April...I will be turning 40!!!! And thats all I have to say about that. :0)

The next couple of days and weeks are going to be fun. Tomorrow we leave for Great Wolf Lodge for a couple of days and then the weekend of the 16th is my baby shower...and it will be pink! I am super excited about that. When my Aunt was here recently I found this canvas print for the baby's room that was just perfect so she blessed us with it. I can't wait to paint and hang it up.
I am also preparing for my good friend, Debra's baby shower in April. She is having twin girls and is due in July.

And on a completely random note, I attended the Devoted conference this past weekend in VA Beach at The Wave Church. Amazing. My fave speaker was there, Christine Caine. Also, speaking was Sharon Kelly (lead pastor's wife of Wave church), Lisa Bevere and Sheila Walsh. The second night of the conference they hosted an 80's night complete with a band called The Deloreans, crazy staffers donning 80's gear and all the dancing you could stand. It was definitely brought back a lot of memories listening to those songs. See below for some funny pics.

Thanks for reading and now its back to waiting with baited breath...in a good way. 

Chinese New Year = SILENCE!

Feb 10th was the beginning of Chinese New Year. Here's a brief history.

Chinese New Year is the most important and, at 15 days, the longest holiday in China. Chinese New Year begins on the first day of the lunar calendar, so it is also called Lunar New Year, and it is considered the beginning of spring, so it is also called Spring Festival.

Chinese New Year celebrations were born out of fear and myth. Legend spoke of the wild beast Nien (which also is the word for "year") that appeared at the end of each year, attacking and killing villagers. Loud noises and bright lights were used to scare the beast away, and the Chinese New Year celebrations were born. Today, the 15-day New Year festivities are celebrated with a week of vacation in metropolitan areas of China. Much like the Western New Year (January 1st), the biggest celebration is on the eve of the holiday. At the turn of the New Year, firework displays are put on throughout the city.

Definition: 恭喜發財! Chinese greeting for Chinese New Year.

Pronunciation: gōngxǐ fācái

Also Known As: 新年快樂 (Xīnnián kuàilè)

This also begins 15 days of complete silence. Nothing is being done over there to expedite mine or anyone else's paperwork. *sigh*

So, instead I will busy myself with projects that relate to Jenna Grace coming home and other things. My Aunt will be coming to visit at the end of this week and the plan is to paint baby girl's room. I am sure we will shop a little and I will also be registering. My precious friend, Sandy is planning a baby shower for me in March. I am so excited about it. I never dreamed I would ever have a pink one. 

I am also giving a shower to one of my best friends, Debra, who is pregnant with twin girls. 

Tomorrow is my current baby's 14th birthday and Thursday we go to Raleigh to have our biometrics done for our updated USCIS approval. Hopefully, for the last time. Thursday late, possibly Friday my Aunt will arrive and that will check another week off the calendar making us that much closer to GOTCHA DAY!

And that just scratches the surface, add to the above the three small groups we are involved in (Sermon on the Mount, Radical and Real Marriage, all I would highly recommend by the way) plus basketball, play practice and time for each other and whew Gotcha Day will be here before we blink twice. I love my life. 

And tonight my friend and I will host our very first adoption community group. I don't think there are very many coming but I don't care. I am just excited we are starting something. I have asked God to do with it what He wants not what we want. I know He will and I know people will be inspired and encouraged to go out and do great things in His name for His glory. I know I am. 

So at the end of the day or rather this post the silence isn't all bad. After all I have been commanded to enjoy this journey. That means even when its quiet. So I will. Join me?

2 years

Yesterday was a very significant day for our family. It marked 2 years since we began our journey again. I say again because the first time we filled out adoption paper work was in 2007. Its been THE most unbelievable ride of the last 17 years of our marriage. Never has a time been fraught with so much grief and joy all at the same time. The paperwork alone is enough to make the sanest person lose their mind yet through it all we hung on to the promises of God. HE SETS THE LONELY IN FAMILIES.
Our baby girl is coming home sooner than later and we couldn't be more excited.

It was also an exciting day because I finally relaxed a little and went shopping for our sweet girl.
Gotcha day is approaching super fast yet I hadn't allowed myself to buy one thing. My sweet friend Debra (who is expecting twin girls in July) invited me to a consignment sale and if you know me, you know I love a good deal. Although free is my favorite deal, right Kish?
Anyway, I was just going to go and support Deb and look around with her but once I got in there I was overcome with all the cuteness. All the pink everywhere, all the good deals and I thought OK, so I don't know her exact size but I've got a general idea... and that was it, I was gone. I didn't go nuts by any means but there were a few items I couldn't resist and when I stumbled on a toddler bed for only $40 and a carseat for only $20 (both in excellent shape) I thought God must have His hand in this.
Once home I took all the tags off and hung them up in her closet. It made me smile the biggest smile to see dresses and other girly clothes hanging in there. I never ever thought before adoption grabbed my heart I would have a girl. I figured the closest I would come would be daughters-in-law and grandkids yet here I am. My own deep desire coming to fruition. God is a God of miracles. I can't wait to bring her home and love her to pieces and connect in a way that is unique with a mother-daughter. I had it with my mom and that is the only cloud that hangs over this, my mom isn't here to enjoy all this with me. Thankfully, HE is a father to the fatherless and God has provided surrogates along the way and for that I couldn't be more thankful. Here's to shopping for a girl...

Just need a mattress

Dresses. 

So cute

Needing to be Needed

I'm sick.

Not anything horrible or life threatening. Just the same old crud that has been circulating for awhile and it finally fell on me.

It started Saturday night and by Sunday morning it was clear I was going to be best friends with my bed, lots of soup and some favorite movies for the day. 
I'm not a good sick person. I am a real baby. Its the time, more than any other during the year except Mother's Day when I want my mom more than anything else (for those new to this blog, she's been in heaven for almost 10 years). I cry easily because I can't stand feeling so bad and have many a pity party until I am well.
My hubby and boys are always so good to me and don't let me do anything!

Its times like this, when I am so needy that I recognize I NEED to be NEEDED. And not only do I feel like its a need but I like it.
A couple of weeks before Jared moved out he got sick and I mean really sick really fast. He was not in a good way. I remember one morning before church going up to his room with water and medicine to wait on him. Giving him instructions about not going anywhere and resting for as long as he could before he had to go to practice that night.
As I walked down the stairs the thought hit me this will be the last time...what will he do once he is alone and is sick. I was suddenly sad as I thought about my not-so-little boy being sick in his apartment all on his own.
He doesn't need me in general anymore. Boys are different than girls I think in that way. I didn't have any brothers so I didn't get to see those differences growing up but even with my boys now, my boys are tough. Even when they do get sick. They don't lie around and whine. They keep on. They do need me though and for that I am grateful.
I always needed my mom. I always wanted my mom around. Well, once I got over being rebellious. I called her EVERY day! More like 5 times every day. I needed my mom.
I will admit though, it wasn't until she died I realized that I needed her in an unhealthy way. Our relationship in and of itself was healthy but my leaning on her wasn't. I almost didn't need God because I had my mom.

And that's the lesson I am learning and want others to learn, especially my kids. Not to need anyone the way we are supposed to need God. To do all of our leaning on Him and His word. His word will never fail us and His word will give us truth where others can't always do that. His word will always be there to inspire hope and change in us so we can be victorious. His word is a lamp to our feet and a light for our path. Ultimately, we should never look to others to guide us in a way that only God can and does. Don't get me wrong I am the first to encourage seeking godly counsel but that should never take the place of God and said counsel should always line up with God's truth.

Bottom line...I will always have a need to be needed but I will always point myself, my kids and whomever else to need their Heavenly Father more than they need me.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with ALL your heart and LEAN NOT on your OWN understanding, in all your ways ACKNOWLEDGE HIM and HE will direct your paths. 

Changes, Choices and Conflict

HAPPY NEW YEAR, albeit a little late.

There have been so many things going on around here I don't even know where to start. Most things that are happening have no manual so I've kind of been stumbling around in the dark trying to find my way.

The biggest change was Jared moving out. This has been coming for awhile but because it happened so quickly after the New Year I didn't have time to really adjust to the idea. He had been saving for several months and January 11th 2013 we moved him into his new apartment. We really are proud of him. He is living alone which I think is huge at just 19 years of age and yes we helped with some "stuff" but as far as deposits, electricity and rent, he's on his own. It was very bitter-sweet for us, for me especially. I remember that afternoon running errands with the younger two and suddenly being hit with this huge wave of emotion. I thought, I can't do this. Where is the manual on how to navigate these uncharted waters. I was so upset. But several hours later as I pulled up to his new place to unload I found myself overcome with excitement and pride. It was great.  Jared even let me stay and hang his shower curtain and put away all his clothes. Then the next morning I went early, took him breakfast and we went food shopping. That was fun. Watching him pick all the foods I've avoided as a parent because they are so bad for you. But this is the joy of living alone and away from your parents. I'm glad he's doing well. I wish he would eat better but HEY, he's 19. He's got a little longer before it all starts to catch up to him.
He's only been gone two weeks and already has two more tattoos and although I don't really like him covering himself its better than drugs and sex.
Its been different not having him around. I can't really explain it. What's weird is not seeing him. Yesterday was the first time in over 7 days that I've seen him. It was an accident too. He looked good but I think he's even skinnier than normal. Sigh.

So, with Jared on his own Jayden (the youngest) moved upstairs to Jared's old room to make way for their sister. Jayden definitely has resisted the idea of moving. He liked his little room and was really cosy in there but once we moved him I wondered how he fit in that little room. He has so much stuff. Now he is settled all is well and I can think about getting her room all ready.

Onto our little girl. Our agency sent us immigration and visa paperwork to fill out on her behalf which meant we had to finalize her name.
This was tough at first because we have called her and prayed for her by the name Grace for so long we just thought that's what it would be. But as I thought about it I really wanted her to have a J name like her brothers. So then the question was do we give her the J name then call her by her middle name. Oh what to do! We talked to a couple of different people who had done that and they said it was pain. So we decided (after much prayer) she would have two first names. The second question was do we keep her Chinese name at all. I didn't want to at first, Brian did. He felt it was important we not discard what she started with. I agreed. So, her full name will be JENNA-GRACE YUAN YI (PRONOUNCED YOU-WEN YEE) MACIASZEK. WOW! Poor kid. She's gonna hate us. ;0)
So, Jenna Grace. We didn't hyphen on the paperwork so we will see if we change that at some point too.
Now, about her. Yesterday she turned 16 months and we also received an update and new pics. She was smiling in one of them. FINALLY! We also got pics of her foster parents and siblings. So precious. We did not get updated measurements yet but she looks huge for her age. I am no expert and its been a long time since I had a baby that age so we will just have to see when the measurements come in.

Such a beautiful smile. 

They are precious in His sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world.

Here are some of the things they said about her: she loves any and all toys and cries when she doesn't get the toy she wants. Cool, so she's normal. 

She has great disdain for strangers and will cry loudly and hide under the table when she sees the stranger with the camera. I told Brian we might have to forget about trying to capture any gotcha day footage which saddens me greatly. 

She sleeps in a crib and still wakes up twice throughout the night and get a bottle both times...Oh help me with this one. I pray this is somewhat better before gotcha day even though I am sure being united with her will only add to the sleeplessness. 

She isn't talking yet, just babbling. 

Her nickname is Yee-Yee

And my favorite, she hates green vegetables. I'm not really sure why I laughed at that, maybe because its such a staple part of our life. Regardless, I will be working to change that. 

A little bit of good news on paperwork. They told us almost 2 weeks ago that our dossier (big packet of info about us) is in the review room of the "powers that be". Typically from this time it take 3-6 weeks to receive the LOA (letter of acceptance). This was really awesome because we weren't expecting it until the middle of March so this new info puts us potentially receiving it before the end of Feb. 

Now, Chinese New Year is Feb 10th and everything closes for 8-10 days so that could set us back but we'll see. 

The conflict is life itself. Family issues and a little drama. And sometimes no matter what you do it still happens. You know what I have decided? I can't control any of it. I can only control how I choose to repsond. I can only do what I know God has shown me to do and then I have to let go. I have been wrestling and been so broken there aren't even the words for prayer. Just tears. But the word says "he has collected all my tears in his bottle" Psalm 56:8. I love my family and my heart breaks for some of the choices that are made but I have to know and believe that God loves them even more than I do. And as I lament and cry out for something to change I know the Holy Spirit hears me and intercedes on my behalf and for that I am thankful. 

So, as you go on your way if you think of us please pray for these final steps of our adoption. We are so close yet at times it still seems so far. We can't do it without your prayers and encouragement. 

Thank you so much. Be blessed.

First World Problems

The dishwasher only cleaned half of the dishes again was the text I sent my hubby this morning. These and many other things are what we call in our house, first world problems. 
I mean really? Who complains about that kind of thing? We complain we are stuck in traffic, that we are driving a car that's over 5 years old, that our boss was mean to us, that we weren't invited somewhere, what we didn't get that we thought we deserved and the list goes on and on. 
We need to WAKE UP! 
There are men, women and children on the other side of the world who are starving, half naked, sick with no hope for recovery, some are being bought and sold for sex everyday and we get mad because the girl in the drive thru at McDonalds was rude to us! And its not just the other side of the world. They are in your back yard. In your church, in my church. Single people, people with families who have real genuine needs. Basic needs. Needs you and I could meet.  And I'm not just talking about stuff. I am talking about time, love, encouragement etc. 
I challenge you to take time today to pray about how you could help someone else. How can you be a blessing to someone who is without? 
And most of all I challenge you as I do myself to stop all the complaining. We are blessed, more blessed than we realize. So, think before you speak, think before you complain and grumble about your first world problems. Ask God to help you in this area and when you're tempted to complain GIVE THANKS instead. 

Do not neglect to do good and share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God. 
Hebrews 13:16

Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others. 
Philippians 2:4

But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need yet closes his heart against him how does  God's love abide in him.
1 John 3:17

Do EVERYTHING without grumbling or arguing so that you may become blameless and pure "children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation" then you will shine among them like stars in the sky. 
Philippians 2:14-15

Catching Up (again! Why am I such a bad blogger?)

I just can't get this blogging thing together. I think there is a lazy person inside of me and for the most part I let her win. I have had so many great things to share (well at least I think they're great) but I find I just can't let myself sit down and write. So, I don't.

So here we are again, way too much time has passed and way too much has happened so its another catch up post. In no particular order...

This past week has been a super fun week for me. I went and had myself custom spray tanned and got my hair cut and colored (its been over 5 months!) so I feel like a rock star. You're probably wondering why on earth, when its December would I do that. Well its because in January, I'm going to be a bridesmaid and the dress is short and strapless! On a good day in the middle of August I am white as a ghost so I thought I would try this and see if I turned orange. I didn't. And I'm so happy about that.

Jayden was just in his second play, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, he played a dead Indian. It was such a good play and even though his part was small he did a great job and had a ton of fun. I think the best part was the make up, they did such a great job making them all look scary. I love that he loves acting and hope he wants to do this for awhile.

Aren't they creepy looking. Jayden is far right in case you couldn't tell. 

 We received two very exciting pieces of news the Monday after Thanksgiving regarding our adoption.
The first was our little girl's MRI report came back that everything was normal. Then, just a few hours later we found out she was officially released to our agency which meant we could begin the process to bring her HOME! We are so excited. So, as of right now we have submitted out letter of intent. For those unfamiliar with this its basically a letter stating we will treat her the same way we treat our bio kids and giver her all the same opportunities etc...
Once this letter has been uploaded to the powers that be we begin another wait. This time we are waiting for an LOA (letter of acceptance) from those same powers which typically takes 90 days. We've been told we could travel to pick her up by May/June however, they will know more once we receive our LOA. So, please pray for that!
We are allowed to send her a few things to ready her to meet us so we are getting those ready. One is a CD of music (lullabies) they will play for her and then we will play it once she is home (or even on the plane if she's fussy). Another is a photo book. I am really excited about putting this together. I love making these, they are so easy and help your favorite photos last forever. Even though we've been talking about her for awhile we haven't made her picture public and we probably won't until we have paid our program fee. I think it is at that point we will feel we are out of the woods with anything going wrong. I am not being negative, just somewhat realistic as we have already been through the fire putting things out there too soon.
Now, on a positive note, I can't tell you just how wonderful Holt International has been to us. They have treated us like we are royalty. I have to brag, just for a moment. If we email them in the morning they will get back to us that day and even if they don't have an answer, they will email just to say they are working on it. They are fabulous!!!! After all we had been through at the beginning we were wondering if we would adopt ever again but I can say now, with confidence that with an agency like Holt in our corner there is no doubt in my mind if God says yes we will too!
And speaking of fabulous, I know I've mentioned him before and I'm sure he'll never read this but I would just like to say "Dr. Kolb, you are our knight in shining armor!"
Dr. Kolb is the doc who has helped us navigate all the files we have been sent. He is amazing and the way he gives back never ceases to amaze me. He and his wife have adopted 5 special needs children from China and also 2 or 3 from Russia. They also have 3 bio kids. He joked with me recently that his wife banned him from looking at Holt's special needs listing of children because every time he does they end up adopting another child. I just love it. I love that he is using the gifts and talents God gave him to help families like us. We have been so blessed by him. There just aren't words. We can't wait to take Grace to meet him.

In other news my little job of babysitting is coming to a close and its very bitter sweet.
I've been keeping Hazyl since she was three months old and she is going to be 10 months on the 28th.
We have had such a fun time watching her and when I say WE I mean WE! I could not have done it without Jackson and Jayden's help. They have been invaluable to me. I dubbed Jayden the baby whisperer because he had a way of calming her down when I had nothing left. She is the sweetest baby and we will miss her everyday. The sweet part about it is the time we will have before Grace comes home. Time to re-group with school. getting her room ready, things like that. I think keeping Hazyl was God's way of preparing me, preparing my heart for how different things will be and also for helping me to wait. She came at just the right time. My heart was so broken by all the failed matches and she kept me smiling and hoping for a baby girl of my own. I am thankful they live down the street and I hope I get to babysit her when her momma needs a break. I also hope she and Grace are best little buds.

The first week she was with us. 

We have gotten to see every milestone and its been so precious. Thank you Darlene for trusting us to love your baby girl. We always will!

The second week in November my good friend Laurie invited me and 2 other girls to her parents' house in the mountains for her birthday weekend. One word: relaxing.
We literally chilled the whole time we were there. It was wonderful. On Saturday Laurie and Debra went to the spa so Sarah and I hung out in Blowing Rock just walking around window shopping. The weather was beautiful and the mountains were breathtaking. I'm hoping I'll get another invite in the near future.

The view from the porch

Sarah and I ate at this quaint little pub. 

US Girls

And last but not least. We finally got an updated family pic taken. It only took 3 years. HAHA!!
The plan was perfect and fool proof or so I thought. My friend Aubrey was gonna take them with our mediocre camera and I promised the kids and B it would be fast. Jackson and B are NOT fans of the pic taking thing. So we get out to the spot of our choice and a mere 10 shots in Aubrey is like "uh Rachel, your camera won't let me take any more pics." Ummmm, what?! So, I take a look and sure enough. I had forgotten to put the memory card back in it. UGH!!!!! What to do, what to do?
Aubrey, was quick on her feet. Took my iPhone 5 and started to shoot. And, how do they look?

I'm pretty sure this will be the last post until after all the festivities so...

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

Thankfulness Challenge Day 23: Thankful for wonderful memories.

Like most people I know I have loved Christmas for as long as I can remember.

There is something in the air that begins the day after Thanksgiving (when we decorate the house) and doesn't end until January. Its truly magical. As I've gotten older the magic has changed somewhat. As a child/adolescent it was toys/gifts/stuff! Now, its the togetherness of family the season brings. Its a time where we all take a little more time for each other and are a little nicer. I'm not saying I agree with this idea but it is what it is. 

My mom LOVED Christmas! This Christmas marks the 10th one without her and I am almost positive I have blogged about this in times past but its a story worth repeating. 

The first Christmas after mom died we gathered at her sister's house and spent it trying to keep our wits about us. It was very empty and cold feeling and I wondered there was no magic. Since I wasn't home that year I didn't decorate. Never did I imagine I wouldn't ever want to decorate again but thats exactly what happened one year later. 

Thanksgiving came and went and so did the tradition of decorating on Black Friday. I just couldn't get it together. There was no Aunt's house to hide at this year and my kids and B kept asking if we were even going to have a tree. I just couldn't do it. There was nothing in me that even wanted to. Mom was gone and so was the magic of Christmas. 

A few days before Christmas my friend Laurie called. We went to church together, she also had three boys but was about 10 years ahead of me. I loved Laurie. Always had a smile on her face and an encouraging word not to mention her amazing hugs! She was asking how it was going yada yada yada, you know all the small talk. I broke down and told her I hadn't decorated, how I just couldn't bring myself to do it. What was the point kind of thing. Her response...get those decorations down, I'll be right there and she hung up. Next thing I know she is at my door Christmas mugs in one hand and apple cider and Christmas CD in the other. And we got to work. She was so precious. Rachel, she said, your mom loved Christmas and what better way to keep her memory alive during this season then to keep loving it yourself. 

And thanks to Laurie I do! I relish every moment. I am so thankful God brought her into my life and thankful she's still around (albeit we are a few hundred miles away). She helped me remember why. She could of just stayed on the phone and said all the "right" things but left me to my own devices but she didn't. She acted out of compassion for me in my moment of pain and assisted in my healing process. 

Every year since then as we decorate she is constantly on my mind and heart as the vessel God used in the moment I needed something I couldn't produce on my own. HOPE!

And by the way, those same mugs she brought get filled and re-filled all season long.

Thankfulness Challenge Day 16: Thankful for Adoption

Praise be to the Lord for He has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him and He helps me. My heart leaps for joy and with my song I will praise HIM!
Psalm 28:6-7

November is National adoption month. I am thankful for adoption.

I am adopted and beyond thankful for that. Jesus adopted me and made me His. I didn't deserve to be adopted. I was completely unlovable, I was broken, dirty and scarred. Yet He took me and my pathetic life and created something new. He took me just as I was yet loved me too much to leave me that way. He turned my life into something I never, in a million years thought it would ever be. He gave me a husband who loves and accepts me unconditionally and blessed me with three amazing boys. And now I want to do the same.
Jesus birthed the dream of adoption in our hearts more than 6 years ago. And in that time, although the waiting has been excruciating at times I have seen His mercy. Never more than in these last few weeks.
I told you a couple of posts ago that we had received a referral for a little girl. Here now are those details.
She is almost 14 months old. She was found on the side of the road when she was about 3 days old. She has a very large birthmark on the right side of her face. As we have consulted our doctor (who has truly been a gift from God through this adoption) he asked us to request an MRI to check for legions on her brain. He thinks the mark may be related to Sturge-Weber syndrome (port wine stain). So we did. And so we wait. And wait, and wait. It has been almost 4 weeks since the request (not to mention we are also waiting for her official release to Holt, our agency). However, in that time and through God and His mercy on us almost weekly we have received some kind of update on her.
The first week were updated pictures and measurements. She is completely on target with all of her development by the way.
Then the following week we learned she is a sponsored child so I have those updates plus 3 more pictures of her beginning when she was 2 months old.
And this week some serious icing on the cake, 5 videos of her!!!! In 1/4 of the videos she is crying but all in all she seems to be a very typical 14 month old little girl. One who is waiting for her momma and daddy to come and scoop her up.
Brian and I are sure in our hearts she is our girl and are just waiting for her release to submit our last pieces of paperwork which are written and ready to be sent. Will you please pray with us? Pray for that release to be sent quickly and the test results to be favorable and submitted to our agency. We so appreciate you standing with us, we can't do it alone.
I am hoping our next post will be a wordless one as we introduce you to our precious little girl but until then I am thankful beyond words for God and His mercy as we wait.

A Christmas Photo Post

My friend Laurie and I put together a Christmas craft night for some girls last Saturday. We highjacked our ideas from Pinterest and had a blast together, eating, drinking, listening to Christmas music (albeit a little early) and making some of the cutest Christmas crafts I've seen.

Berry letter table.

Glitter tree table.

Debra getting started.

Robin, Laura and Deb

Tonya pulling her berries from their stems.
She thought I was gonna pick real berries for this project.
UH...no.

Me and Tonya

Jennifer, Sarah and Laura begin the glitter tree madness.

Joy letter table with Mary-Lou and Laurie.

Look at Robin go, she is almost done with her letter.

Tonya, not so much. 

Deb is on it too.

The JOY letters required precision, thankfully Laurie is super creative and talented. 

Ya, I had a hard time getting going. Deb said I had commitment issues.  

This craft proved to be the messiest.

Last craft was the yarn trees, Robin here getting started.  

So cute Laurie. 

Laurie showing Robin the fastest way to wrap the yarn trees.

My commitment is still lagging.

Mary-Lou and Jennifer. 

Me and Jennifer. 

Working hard!

The girls!

The yarn trees. The easiest craft to make.

The berry letter. 

The glitter trees are so pretty. 

Love these!

All in all a super fun evening and a great way to get everyone in the Christmas spirit, not that I need any help.

I'm already looking forward to next year!