I want another one of these...

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Fearless

These kids of mine like to climb trees before art class at our local university. Here's the difference between them: jayden will climb all the way to the top if possible whereas Jackson stays close to the ground. Jayden is fearless in this area, Jackson is not. I often wonder why? Is this something they each inherited between mine and Brian's DNA? I know the older I get the more afraid I become. I guess it's bc you finally realize you aren't going to live forever so therefore you take less chances. I know for a long time I would look at others who would be fearless in mountain climbing, sky diving and the like and scold myself bc I wasn't brave enough to take those kinds of risks. But then I realized I'm fearless in other ways. I have the ability to go up to a complete stranger and talk to them and make them feel comfortable. I have no problem at all reaching out to someone who is hurting. I will open up my home to anyone at any time for any reason with no notice and feed them or just be there for them. I know for a fact these few things I've mentioned might terrify other people. See, God gives us all different abilities and different ways we are fearless. I'm choosing to embrace the ways God has given me and not be concerned I don't want to jump out of a plane.





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Top 10 Greatest ways to keep your marriage amazing!!

While blog surfing I came across the greatest top 10 list every wife/hubby and wife/hubby to be needs to read. Take it away Judi Free...

Every Day Wonderful

Productivity-it's always a good thing

Today has been one of those days that turned out the opposite of what I expected.
Just last night I was screaming inside that there was so much left to do and not enough time to get it all done. Add a 20 Somethings trip to the beach tomorrow and I was literally about to shoot myself.
As I sit here tonight all feels right with the world. Here's what got done in just 12 short hours.
~meal planning done for 2 weeks
~grocery shopping done for 2 weeks
~house cleaned from top to bottom
~school room organized ready for our official back to school on Tuesday
~laundry done for at least one day ;0)
~final curriculums decided upon
~date with my 17 year old
I can't tell you how good it feels to get all that done.
The beach is calling my name and I'm ready to answer that call!!!


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Nothing is Impossible for YOU!

You heal the broken hearted!
You bring freedom to the captive!
You set hearts on fire!
You are the father to the fatherless!
You give sight to the blind!
You soften the hardest heart!
You are forever wooing us to you!
You equip those you call!
You love us when we are unlovable!
You bring the prodigal home!
You pour grace and mercy over us!
You forgive us!
You give us eternal life!
Jesus you are my all in all, I will worship you all my days. In my pain and confusion be ever near and don't let go!



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Finishing so I can get started.

Have you ever felt like this? You can't get started because you haven't finished preparing? This is how the last few weeks have felt for me.
This is only our second year homeschooling and I haven't started well at all because I can't seem to finish anything. First of all I don't even have all of their curriculums purchased, but worse I can't decide which one to use. Second, I can't seem to write down lesson plans for even one week. No matter how many times I clean up the school room it continues to look like someone threw up in there. Add drum lessons, piano lessons, art class, being jareds taxi back and forth for work and I have to write the schedule for church nursery, plus all the other "mom" stuff, I just feel like I can't do it all. Maybe screaming would help... But instead I'm gonna take a step back take a deep breath and finish so that after Labor Day I can start.

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Not assisted social suicide!!

I inspired my hubby. He has re-joined the blogging world after quite the hiatus because all the other social media that takes up his time and of course the job that pays the bills. However, let me clarify something, since he accused me of using his facebook thereby only committing assisted social suicide. Its not true. Yes, I used it once to announce an event to our small group of 20 somethings since I didn't have all their email address' yet but that is it!! I am not stalking anyone behind the walls of my hubby's facebook page.
So, theres the truth!

Victory at Jimmy Johns

Our kid did it!! He landed himself a job at this place.
It was cool the way it happened too. Brian asked me to take him by there at 2 yesterday because thats when the manager was going to be there. Jared had himself convinced he would walk in and walk out in 2 seconds since that is what had been happening at other places up to this point. But he walked in and 1 minute later he text me to say the manager was about to sit and chat with him. As a mom I felt disappointed because he could have been dressed better but thats just the type-A in me. Anyway, an hour later he came out smiling and said things went really well and he felt he'd connected with both managers. They told Jared to call them back if he hadn't heard anything by next Tuesday. I felt dejected by this but he vowed when he got home to continue to pursue other positions until something clicked.
We had barely walked in the door when the phone rang and Jared was shouting my name like a giddy school girl. "I GOT THE JOB!!!!"
He starts today as the mom in me groans, we've hit another milestone which makes us that much closer to saying good-bye and him starting his own life independent of us.
Well, after he pays all the medical bills. Thank God for stupid decisions that keep my kid close for a little longer. :0)

Vacation Slide Show

In July, Jackson, Jayden and I took a road trip. We went to St. Louis where my Aunt Holly and Grandfather (mom's side) live. My Aunt Mary joined us there and we had a good time visiting the Arch, Watching Under the Sea at the Imax and Science Center and taking in the Art Museum. Papa lives on a lake so he took us on his little pontoon boat and each of the boys took a turn steering.
From there we headed to Tulsa, OK where we spent some amazing and much needed time with family and friends we've known since the boys were born.
And last but certainly not least we ended in Kansas City visiting my good friend Kishan and her family.
We were gone 3 weeks and it was an awesome time.
Although, there is nothing like coming home. Life is good!

The Wall will Always Win!!!

Jared is desperately trying to find a job. The word desperate might not be part of that last sentence if it wasn't for this:


This all started May 29th 2010. After making an incorrect assumption (you know what they say when you assume right?) he got mad and punched the side of our house. Its half brick, half siding. He hit the siding. After receiving the call from my hubby I raced home and angrily ordered him in the car without opening the door for him I might add. Wincing in pain and trying to balance a bag of frozen peas on his hand he got in the car and I sped to the hospital. Not because it was really that big of an emergency but because I was so angry. Clearly, I was not resting in God but instead allowing myself to be controlled by the situation.

Once there we quickly learned it was indeed fractured and given a referral to see Ortho in a week. Being the impatient mom that I am I waited until Monday and called for an appointment. They got us in the next day. I can tell you right now, I was not prepared for what happened next. The doc explained he would need 3 pins to put Jared's hand back together because he had not only broken it in 3 places but had also dislocated it. Surgery was scheduled for the next day.

It went off without a hitch and a week later we were back to have the pins looked at and to have a hard cast put on.





Ok, so this is great. 4 weeks in a cast, the pins will come out then 2 more weeks in another cast and life will return to normal.

Oh, how wrong I was. The pins came out alright and infection set in.
We were at the lake with some friends and July 5th Jared was still complaining of some pain in his hand. We really didn't think anything of it, just that it was all part of the healing process. Then he said well I have this red streak running up my arm and I'm no doctor but even I know that is a sign of blood poisoning. We took him to the ER and they hooked him up to an IV antibiotic and sent us on our way.
The next day Brian and Jared had to drive 2 hours from the lake house to his Ortho Doc and then spent the rest of the day fighting with the insurance company and waiting to get an MRI. The doc told us that he needed the MRI to make sure the infection hadn't spread to his bones. When Brian called and told me that we all got together and prayed for God to do His thing. When they got back to us at the lake house Brian said they would call us with the results in the morning and if there was infection immediate surgery would be needed. I believed for nothing less than God's best which in my opinion was no infection and I had no doubt that was what we would hear when they called.
When they called and said to come in as soon as you can because we need to prep him for surgery my heart sank. I am proud to say I didn't lose it though. Although I had no idea it was about to get even worse.

During surgery prep the next morning they were explaining what the procedure would involve. They had found infection on both the fourth and fifth bones and literally would be going in to scrub those bones. We immediately began texting everyone we knew to pray. I was expectant that once he got in there it wouldn't be as bad as they originally thought. God is amazing. 30 minutes later they were done and said once they got in there they only saw infection on the fifth finger and had sent the biopsy off to microbiology. He explained it like this: the faster it grows the worse bug it is. Less than 24 hours later it had grown into a pretty nasty staph infection which now meant infectious disease had to be brought in. My head was spinning. All we wanted to do was go home. But that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. You see now that they knew what strain it was they determined it had to be treated with IV antibiotics. Which meant we had to wait until they got a pic/mid line in him and, since it was Friday there was no one to come home with us and show us how to administer all that we had to wait until Monday. UGH!!!

So, Monday came and went as did all the home health visits followed by trips to physical therapy and the infectious disease doc and here we are today. Stitches are all out and he is left with 2 really nasty looking scars and thousands in medical bills (which by the way we are making him pay hence the desperation for a job) which will forever remind him when you punch a wall the wall always wins.

From this to this

Jared has had this same haircut for a while and as his parent I try not to sweat the small stuff. Hair is a small stuff.


Since his hand is completely healed which of course I neglected to post about on here he has been feverishly job hunting since those medical bills are pouring in. Yesterday he landed his first interview with a local grocery chain. He was so excited about it he decided since first impressions matter he would cut his hair. I am so proud of him. Its still a little longer than I thought it would be but still a huge improvement. Tomorrow is the interview, so here's hoping the change pays off.

My Favorite Smoothie

Here's a yummy recipe for a smoothie I make regularly and love.

1 cup lactose free milk (you can of course use regular)
1 banana
1 cup of frozen strawberries or mixed berries
1 tbsp of ground flax seed
A handful of fresh or frozen spinach leaves

Blend until smooth and ENJOY!!

Dad vs. Daddy/Mom vs. Mommy

Our children, 17, 13 and 11 call us mom and dad.
While visiting our amazing friends in OK just recently I was in awe of the fact that their 2 boys 13 and 11 still refer to them as mommy and daddy. Then I was sad. Do the two younger of my three do this because they have heard their older brother do this? When did this happen? Since being home I have been listening to what they call us. It's mom and dad. No, I want mommy and daddy. So, just yesterday I asked Jayden (the 11 year old) can you please call me mommy again and he said no I'm not gonna do that. I begged. He said I'll call you mama. I agreed.
This morning, when I said good morning guess what he said?
Morning MOM!!!
*SIGH*

Just Say NO!!

I think the picture says it all!! Facebook has been a thorn in my side for quite some time. It was bad enough just on the laptop but then I got a phone which made access even easier and I found myself being mastered by it. Don't judge me, we all have our issues. I found myself wasting hours throughout the day on it. Looking at pictures, checking the news feed and wondering if someone commented on my status. So, its time for it to go.
I love this blog, this blog has purpose and does what its supposed to do which is keep all the people we love who are far away updated on our life. I won't do that when I am addicted to facebook.
So, here is to a new beginning. Please book mark us and check back for regular updates. I hope you will join us once again for the ride!!

Sometimes He calms the storm, sometimes He calms His child.

We are doing a series at Church called Miracles. One of the tag lines is Sometimes He calms the storm and sometimes He calms His child. There has already been a storm since re-opening our adoption. Details aren't necessary because it takes away from God's power to calm any situation. In times past I would have broken under crushing news that meant things weren't going my way. Not this time. We received said crushing news on Thursday and we were both disappointed. I text a friend of mine to let her know I needed her to pray but my spirit felt crushed. For a brief moment my hope wavered. I asked myself, "God did we miss it?" "I know you said now is the time, what is going on?" I didn't know what to think, how to feel or what would be the next step. It didn't help that our adoption consultant seemed less than interested in our plight. But GOD. Its the only thing I needed to be reminded this journey wasn't about us. It was about HIM. His plan was the only plan that mattered. His will was the only one I wanted to be in. He birthed this dream in our heart because its part of His dream for humanity. That we wouldn't forget the orphans, the widows or the less fortunate. Hope is alive and His name is Jesus.

Too Big for God? I Think NOT!

One of the reasons for putting the adoption on hold was debt. Too much debt. Like many people we had gotten sucked into keeping up with the Jones' and whoever else we were competing with. Also, b/c of all the debt we had incurred I'd had to go back to work almost full time. This was not the situation we wanted to bring another child into, especially not one we had rescued. We felt a little defeated and we weren't sure how to fix the problem we had created. God, however already had the answer before we asked the question. Back in December '07 after our friend Betsy shared a video about a couple who, after completing Financial Peace University, adopted a child we were inspired to check into the program. We completed the class in May '08, moved to North Carolina in June and have been waging war with our debt ever since. The main thing was to sell the house in Florida which took a year but did happen. As of December my car was paid off and just today we paid the last of the 3 credit cards. We still have Brian's car to pay off but we have reached our goal which was to pay off the credit cards and for me to be a stay at home mom again. I am not only at home again but also homeschooling our three boys. Although, a daily challenge we know this is God's path for us.
We have never stopped praying and believing for Grace to come home and we feel closer than ever. We are submitting new paperwork this week and will be back in the system which means we can seek out starting our home study. We know we still have a long way to go but we are confident this is God's plan for our family.
We would appreciate all your prayers, any ideas you might have for fund raising, links to any other blogs you may know about regarding adoption and just general encouragement. Thanks guys!!

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me."

Its been almost a year since we blogged anything at all let alone anything adoption related. Nothing in our hearts has changed regarding bringing our daughter home, we just were doing a bit of cleaning up in preparation. Now that the clean up is just about complete we feel the time is now to move full steam ahead. So, Monday we contacted our agency and are in the process of re-opening our file. Here's what that entails: because its been over 2 years we have to fill out a new application and send in new photos. Then we will have to sign a new adoption agreement. Thankfully, the monies we have already paid are still good except the adoption agreement went up to $900 so we will have to send $200 and we are up to speed. The next step will be the home study. (See side bar for full list of steps) Once the home study is complete we will be eligible to apply for grants and also search the waiting children page on our agency's site. Brian and I are prayerfully considering the possibility of an older child/child with special needs.
Please join us and pray specifically for the following: finances to be in place when needed, the right child, the right time, and fund raising ideas.
We know the time is now but we can't do it without your prayers.
Blessings.

Happy 40th to the love of my life.

The man I love turns 40 today. He is the man of my dreams. He is my soul mate. He is my best friend. He is a leader, a man of integrity. He is an amazing father. He loves God with his whole heart and strives everyday to lead our family in His will. I am blessed to be loved by him and look forward to 40 more years.
Happy Birthday Brian. I love you now and forever.

In Recent Days...

I haven't had the strength to cry
I haven't had the strength to laugh
I haven't had the strength to ask for help
I haven't had the strength to pray or seek...but I did it anyway.
Life has been a whirlwind for us since we moved to North Carolina. Some days I wonder if we missed God b/c it has seemed our world has been more upside down than right side up. Like the only thing constant has been trouble, pain and grief. The other side of that is we must be right where God wants us b/c the enemy is doing everything he can to bring us down and I have to admit some days he wins. Like the last 2 or so weeks for example. With teenage angst hitting us harder than we ever expected, Brian having knee surgery and me in so much pain with my neck I can hardly get out of bed not to mention our impending move. The last 2 days in fact have been the worst. Exhaustion isn't even a fit description. I have felt so heavy on the inside like nothing we're doing is right but I won't be stopped. I serve a BIG God and my problems to Him are nothing. When I am weak, then I am strong. The joy of the Lord will be my strength and one of my favs I will hope in the LORD and will renew my strength. I will soar on wings like eagles; I will run and not grow weary, I will walk and not be faint.

I think I needed to post this just to remind myself I am a fighter and will continue to fight for my family and for the call God has on our lives.

The Joy in Waiting.

For a few months I have felt like maybe this adoption wasn't meant to be. Going through all of Jared's teen angst has been so stressful at times it has made me wonder how can I do this again let alone with a girl. However, through it all I have also come to see why God put adoption in my heart. Brian and I have had to endure with Jared the pain of him not knowing his biological father. To listen to him wonder aloud "How could he not want to know me and know if I'm OK when he had a hand in giving me life." You have no idea how that cuts right to your heart. But its all part of the preparation for when our daughter goes through the same thing. God has been so quiet about this adoption that I have felt maybe I missed it. Brian told me just Sunday that unless I am talking about something all the time I act like its over. It really made me stop and think. I know in my heart this isn't over. Its just going to take a lot more time than I originally thought. In just the last week my heart has once again swelled with passion for bringing our little girl home. I have once again seen her in my future with our family. Grace is coming home and I am so excited I have found the joy in waiting.